Every single Gex Line in Gex: Enter the Gecko (Re-upload due to formatting issue)
"Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!" '"It's tail time!"' '"YYYEEESSS!"' '"That's for 12 years of Full House!"' '"Now, that's what I call getting some tail."' '"All right! It's tail time!"' '"My tail's gonna kick your butt!"' '"Time to go postal!" (sounding like a robot)' '"Say hello to the floor!"' '"Put that in your pipe and smoke it."' '"I'm doing this for you!"' '"Gecko-chop baby yeah!"' '"Gecko-chop baby!"' '"Karate-chop!"' '"Watch me use my tail to kick your butt."' '"This is for Mr. Sinatra."' '"You're nothing see, you're nothing!"' '"I'll give you such a pinch!"' '"Move like a butterfly sting like a gecko!"' '"This is for all the angels in heaven."' '"Eat this!"' "File this under 'ouch'!" '"Judo-chop baby!"' '"Judo-chop baby yeah!"' "Watch me use my tail to kick your behind." "You mean I'm not 99.9% clean?" '"Are you after that old sandwich in my pocket?"' '"Hello there, my secret friend!"' '"I ain't gonna make!"' '"I got a mate!"' '"You are a secret frie"Mmmm... buttery." '"Tastes are licking and...ehhhhhhh we heard it."' '"Spock, load the tongue."' '"Burp!"' '"That's the sweet stuff darling."' '"Mmm... TVs instead of potatoes."' '"All right that's the spot."' "3 more I have the whole set!" '"Oh gimme, gimme, gimme!"' '"I'll take one of those, and some of these."' '"If this weren't a video game, I'd be on my way to prison!"' '"Sweet, like candy!"' '"Need it! Need it! Need it!"' '"For me! You shouldn't have!"' '"One for me and one for me!"' "Licking my way to the top!" '"A little tongue now, a lot of tail later."' '"Pardon my tongue darling."' '"Slip of the tongue."' '"Slip of the tongue! Mhmhmh."' '"Slip of the tongue, baby!"' "NOW CUT THAT OUT!" (Gex also says this quote in a somewhat high pitch) '"Warp core breach is imminent, Captain!"' '"Cut stunt gecko!"' '"You never knocked me down!"' '"Easy..." (angrily)' '"Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pin cushion!"' '"Cut my eyes, I can't see!"' '"THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT!"' '"Um, that's not in the script..."' '"Must... regain... balance."' '"Uh, someone yell cut!"' '"Mental note: get a tetanus."' '"Body blow! Body blow!"' '"It hurts!"' "Someone yell 'Cut'!" '"Stunt gecko!"' '"Where's the stunt gecko?"' '"You never knocked me down!"' '"Easy..." (angrily)' '"NOW CUT THAT OUT!"' "Damn this pesky gravity!" '"Damn this pesky gravity to hell!"' '"Prepare to abandon ship."' '"If I were real this would hurt."' '"Mr. Wizard!"' '"Aaaaah!"' "Prepare to abandon ship." '"Geronimo."' '"Geronimo!"' '"Oh dear."' "They call him Flipper, Flipper." (singing) '"SHARK!!!!"' '"SHAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRKKKKKKK!!!"' '"Piranhas? What Piranhas?"' '"Piranhas? Huddle! Huddle! Huddle! Huddle! Huddle!"' "I hope my fake hip is rust-proof!" (in an old man's voice)' "Is it just me or am I ENGULFED IN FLAMES?!" "I'm flaming--in the manly way..." "FLAME ON!" "I am the god of hellfire!" "Pepto...Bismol!" "Indigestion!" "Flame on!" "I think I'm having a hot flush." "Indi...gestion!" "Pepto...Bismol "Woah." '"WOAH!"' '"ow."' '"OWOWOWOW!"' "Oh no, I'm too young to have a second childhood!" '"The government told me that these experiments were over!"' '"YOU'RE DESPICABLE!" (in a Daffy Duck like voice while commenting on the Daffy Duck costume)' '"Note to self: Don't drink tap water at Jerry Garcia's."' '"Note to self: Don't step on any brown mushy rocks!"' '"Note to self: Don't buy rocket sled made by ACME."' '"This is really about your father isn't it?"' '"Damn IRS!"' '"Will Cheech and/or Chong, report to the front desk!"' '"Hey! I feel like I'm trapped in Boy George's pants!"' '"Look, I just wanted a gift shop in the bathroom."' '"My inner child is coming out and it hurts!"' '"And remember kids, never buy a marvolay from a guy with a top hat."' '"This is like a luau at Mel Blanc's house!"' '"We're on the road to nowhere!" (singing)' '"Have fun storming the castle!" (when castle is encountered)' '"What did you flunk out of nasty camp?"' '"Ah to see the world as Keith Richards does."' '"Brought to you by up-Chuck Jones."' "Ah, to see the world as Keith Richards does." '"This is about your father, isn't it?"' '"Note to self: Don't step on any brown mushy rocks!"' '"I feel like I'm in Boy George's pants!"' '"Shouldn’t you be on a can of tuna?"' '"This is no time for cartoon jokers!"' '"That’s not all, folks!"' "Has anyone seen Carol-Anne in here?" (entering room with the DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT sign) "Bring out the gimp." (encountering floating skeleton) "Hey cutie." (encountering floating skeleton) "Hello pretty." (encountering floating skeleton) "Bring out your dead!" (encountering floating skeleton) "I understand the head throwing, but the dress?" (encountering floating skeleton) "Is your skull a metaphor?" (encountering floating skeleton) "Jimmy Hoffa, white courtesy phone, Jimmy Hoffa." (encountering floating skeleton) "You, my friend, have an eating disorder." (encountering floating skeleton) "Sorry Mr. Presley, hahaha not yet thanks." "The imperial fleet would never follow us in to a floating furniture field." (encountering floating furniture) "Well that's real scary guys, a floating toilet" (encountering floating furniture) "The odds of navigating a floating furniture field are 3327 to 1." (encountering floating furniture) "Pat, I'll take the floating chair for $200, and the rest on account?" (encountering floating furniture) "Well we met our panel (chuckles) walls... panels, heh..." (encountering wall monsters) "You moved the headstones, but you didn't move the bodies!" "What are you, Larry King's barber? Ha! Ha! You're alright!" (encountering frankenstein monster) "Nice haircut, when did we enlist" (encountering frankenstein monster) "Red Side Story auditions are down the hall." (encountering demented dolls) "And stab and kick and 2!" (encountering demented dolls) "Go stab someone your own size!" (encountering demented dolls) "Let me guess: your parents don't understand you." (encountering demented dolls) "Carrot Top, is that you" (encountering demented dolls) "West Side Story auditions are down the hall" (encountering demented dolls) "Benihana not hiring?" (encountering demented dolls) "Hmm yes, but can you make julienne fries?" (encountering demented dolls) "And stab, and kick, and two!" (encountering demented dolls) "Which one of you played Coco in Fame" (encountering demented dolls) "Do I ammuse you? Like a clown?" "I ain't afraid of no ghosts!" (in a scared voice) "Ugly is as Ugly does." "No! No! No! I wanted the pit there and the pendulum there!" "Reminds me of Halloween at Rip Taylor's." "Uh, hi, I'm here for the real-world interview?" "It beats the Matterhorn, what are you going to do?" "Who forgot to pay the gravity bill?" (encountering floating furniture) "This place is bigger than Drew Carey's bar tab." "Heeeeeeeere's Gexy!" "Welcome to Under This Old House." "Man, Hef has let his place go" "The ad says Beverly Hills adjacent." "I hate these low budget b-levels." "This house is now clean." "Today is a good day to die!" "Behind one of these doors is a brand new car!" "Don't take career advice from Joe Piscopo." "Redrum, Redrum!" "Reminds me of my bother's dorm room." "Axe in the chest for Scatman Crothers." "This is what Tim Burton thinks about when he's in the tub." "So this is never-never land, you'd never guess it from the outside." "FedEx for Roger Corman." "Lily, have you seen grandpa?" "The real estate wizardry of Tom Vu at work." "Welcome to the New York city mass transit system." "I am most certainly not in the vicinity of Kansas anymore." "You have the swan-like grace of a young Nixon." "Freddy, Jason; Jason, Freddy." "Believe me, you smell like I feel." "Ladies and gentlemen, Tom Arnold's acting coach." "Heeeeeeere's Gexy!" '"Now who would live in a room like this?"' '"This place is bigger than Oliver Reed's bar tab..."' '"Hey, the ad said Beverly Hills adjacent!"' '"I hate these low budget b-levels." "Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!" '"Hmmm.... www.dork.com!"' '"What is this? Outtakes from Deep Space 9!?"' '"How did I get in Bill Gates' head?" '"All this technology still can't explain why David Hasslehoff is so popular."' '"I love that guy. He's not housebroken."' '"This is like an all-nighter at Richard Simmons' house."' '"The only thing this place doesn't have is a baby gap."' '"All this technology so fat guys can hear Rush Limbaugh?"' '"All this technology and Shatner still can't get a good hairpiece."' '"Coming soon the Wizard of Oz 2000!"' '"I feel like I'm in the Wiz!"' '"Boys, Tron's not gonna work once. It's not gonna work twice!"' '"Ehhh! I should have become a Maytag repair man!"' '"Lady, I don't know who wired this for you, but none of this stuff is grounded."' '"Uh, lady, you gotta change your lint filter."' "Let's see.... www.dork.com!" '"How'd I get in Bill Gates' head?"' '"Boys, Tron didn't work once. It's not working twice!"' "Welcome to Jurassic Park, keep your eyes peeled for sleestaks and other bad special effects." '"In a land before time, when Saturday Night Live was funny."' '"WILMA!!!!"' '"I'll take 'Places I Can Burn To Death' for $100, Alex."' '"Marshall, Will, and Holly. On a routine expedition." (singing)' '"Add 1 million years, two white tigers and we're in Siegfried and Roy!"' '"One day soon, it'll be a smoke belching factory here!"' '"The difference between this and Hades is that there's no Kathy Lee Gifford."' '"Dr.Zaius, would an ape make a human doll that talks?!"' '"The natives will trade four of their women for the girl with the golden hair."' '"That's a spicy meatball."' '"GOODNESS GRACIOUS, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!!!"' "And this is just one of the forty thousand rooms in Aaron Spelling's house!"' '"I haven't seen blasts like this since taco night at James Earl Jones' house."' '"OK who's job was it to mow the lawn?"' '"If Prince was a snail these would be his tracks."' '"There's a joke here about snail trails but I'm not gonna tell it."' '"Evolve or get out of my way pal!"' '"Hey it's my mother-in-law!"' "If this is the best they've got around here in six months we'll be running this planet"' '"Gecko shall not kill gecko!"' '"Soylent green is geckos!"' '"I should've come back here to fill my lava lamp hohoho!"' '"I am the lizard king, hear my roar!"' '"Memo to Gilligan. Try building a raft." (in an area with lava rafts)' '"A raft! How convenient! Those programmers think of everything." (in an area with lava rafts)' "Welcome to Jurassic Park" '"The natives will give you four of their women for the girl with the golden hair."' "My name is Caine, I seek water." '"I'm looking for the two small girls that sing for Mothra."' '"What's harder, getting through this level or divvying up the check?"' '"I'll beat this level but in an hour I'll be hungry for another."' '"I'm Tom Vu, you can be a millionaire!"' '"Dr. Jones, I'll never get all three Sankara Stones."' '"Ugh, where's Short Round when you need him?"' '"I'm lost in Dick Dale's colon."' '"I knew I shouldn't have hired Margaret Cho as my landscaper."' '"With the level six you get egg roll."' '"Ahh, ancient Chinese level."' '"Oh hoho no, not the Hellraiser box."' '"Yes I'm here to pick up my laundry."' '"This is going to be one expensive easter egg hunt" (when breaking vases)' '"Domo arigato Mr. digital roboto, domo."' '"Wax on, wax off."' '"Nice robe Mr. Hefner."' '"Come on Jake, it's Chinatown."' '"Yes I'm here to pick up my laundry."' '"Why yes I'm here to pick up my laundry."' '"You don't match the carpet and you have to go."' '"Ancient Chinese Secret, huh?"' '"Now listen to me grasshopper."' '"I'm having 'Nam flashbacks, and I wasn't even there!"' '"Waiter? Just box up the evil, I'll take it home."' '"Is this the Year of the Gecko?"' '"I'm looking for a man called Scaramanga."' '"Hmm, reminds me of Jackie Chan's bathroom."' '"So, this is where all the missing socks go."' '"Man, this place smells like ducks."' '"The things I do for Mooshoo..."' '"I'm the ultimate weapon, baby, yeah!"' '"Hi, I'm looking for the two small girls who sing for Mothra."' '"Akira to white courtesy phone, Akira to white courtesy phone."' '"Where's Shortround when you need him?"' '"Last time I was here, I was dressed as a woman. Yes!"' '"What's harder, getting through this level or digging up the check?"' '"Oh, great, the dream sequence from Brazil again."' '"Hey where's Tom Vu and the geishas?" ‘ "Waiter, just box up the evil and I'll take it home." "Captain, they are a bizarre alien race that find Adam Sandler funny." '"The princess is here in the detention level."' '"Has anyone seen Fox Mulder's sister?' '"There's a gecko on my tail, R2, see what you can do with it!"' '"First sign of an Ewok, I'm out of here."' '"Meet Gex gecko"' '"Screw the Force, who's got a grenade?"' '"I feel like a walking dutch oven."' '"I don't think that's good air."' '"Spock, can you read me?"' '"This is major Gex to ground control" ' '"We don't serve you kind in here!"' '"Are you related to the cartoon trash can at the movies?"' '"Are you fluent in gettin' your butt kicked?"' ''"You are unwise to lower your defenses.'"'' '"Alright boys, phasers on stun"' '"Tell me again the difference between the future and Las Vegas."' '"I knew Roswell would open up a casino."' '"Scotty, beam me into an Ivy League Sorority House."' '"Shouldn't I be wearing a lead apron?"' '"Well I guess this means I can't have children."' '"Two to beam up."' '"Keep the dribbles, I just want the quadrotriticale."' '"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"' '"Well, if it isn't Doctor Jellyfinger."' '"Is that a lightsaber are or you just happy to see me?"' '"I can't see a thing in this helmet."' '"Daddy wants air! Daddy wants air!"' '"Gexy wants new helmet! Gexy wants new helmet!"' '"This is radio 3 erect signing off."' '"Out of the way, Roseanne!"' "500 channels and still nothing on."' '"At least I'm not at the DMV."' '"Terminator? Phone call for a Mr. Terminator."' '"Welcome to the only thing more evil than IRS Headquarters."' '"So this is where they decided to change Coke."' '"Looks like we got a fly in the spider's web"' '"Screens up."' '"The horror!"' "Welcome to the only thing more evil than the Inland Revenue Headquarters." "And they said testing A-bombs on this island would have no effect." "Someone who is not me could stand to lose a few pounds." "I've got ten seconds to save the world." "Welcome to this week's episode of 'Touched By An Uncle'." '"All that work and I'm back where I started. It's just like college."' '"My god! This is New York! I lived here... Worked here."' "Dead fly martini. Shaken not stirred." '"I am the last gecko."' '"Gecko. Gex Gecko."' "This is the big one! I'm coming Elizabeth!" '"Ladies and gentlemen! The new Fall TV season!"' '"So this is New Jersey."' "Evening, Mr. Picasso!" '"To boldly go...I'm scared!"' '"Oh William please... Give me a sponge bath.
OVER BLACK: BLART (V.O.) The road of life is always under construction... FADE IN: SUNRISE.* (* fromthe first movie) BLART (V.O.) ... thejourney is hard, but once you reach the top, the view is amazing. Amy and Blart getting married.* BLART (V.O.) And that view is even more beautiful when you have someone to share it with... Blart and Amy DANCE ON SEGWAYSat their reception.* INT. BLART’S MOM’S FRONT DOORWAY - DAY22Blart opens the door and is handed a LETTER by a STERN MAN. BLART (V.O.) ...forsix days. INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - LATER33Blart sits in his Mom’s living room, holding the letter. She rubs his back as he CRIES HYSTERICALLY. BLART (V.O.) My beautiful wife of almost a week let me know by letter that she had, what I like to call “some regrets.” Her doctor called it, “uncontrollable vomiting.” Her lawyer... “dissolution of marriage.” He looks up at his Mom, cries a little more... and then RUNS out of the room. BLART (V.O.) That’s okay, I needed a little time to myself. Like the song says: I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me. (MORE) David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALSPE CONFIDENTIAL // That’s okay, when life knocks Page 2/88 you down, calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, “you hit like a small boy.” And... (then) At least I still had the one thing that never seemed to let me down... security. INT. WEST ORANGE PAVILLIONMALL - DAY3A3AWe see Blart at the mall, throwing himself into his work. He rides through the mall, UP-NODDING to passing customers. BLART (V.O.) I spent the next two years losing myself in the sweet escape of keeping the West Orange Pavilion Mall safe. Blart spies a SMALL CHILD who appears lost. He rolls up to him on the segway and takes his hand, leading him to find his mom. Seeing the MOM, Blart reunites her with the boy. The mom is overjoyed. MOMThank you! (then to boy) Now give the fake cop a hug Andy. Blart is flattered and leans in for the hug. Andy is having none of it. Blart goes in again -- nothing. MOM (CONT’D) (getting agitated) Andy... hug him. BLARTUh... he doesn’t want a hug that’s okay. Blart is now frozen in the hug lean position. MOM(still to son) You are embarrassing me. Blart back away and leans in one more time, but the kid just BELTS HIM and runs away. The mom runs after him. Blart awkwardly gets on his segway and rides away. BLART (V.O.) (CONT'D) Salmon (05/02/2014)2. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (V.0) And, on the home front... I always had Mom. Page 3/88 EXT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - MORNING44Mom, in a fuzzy bathrobe, walks out into the street... BLART’S MOMOh, here’s the paper. ...and is DRILLED by an old-fashioned MILK TRUCK. BLART (V.O.) That is until she got drilled by a milk truck. Didn’t know they even had those anymore. INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - DAY55Blart once again sits in his mom’s living room looking at a FRAMED PHOTO of his mom... CRYING, uncontrollably. Maya, who is now 19 years old, rubs his back. He once again gets up and RUNS out of the room. BLART (V.O.) Besides my Maya, it didn’t seem like I had very much to look forward to. // INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - MORNINGBlart once again sits in his mom’s living room looking at a FRAMED PHOTO of his mom... he begins to CRY, uncontrollably. In the picture, we see: His MOTHER standing in a sun dress and big, floppy CHURCH HAT, surrounded by AFRICAN HUNTERS on SAFARI in AFRICA. Salmon (05/02/2014)2A. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (V.O.) That is until her church group travelled to Africa, where she went on safari, and while snapping pictures, and getting a little too close, caught the business end of a Dicerosbicornis... a black rhino. Maya, who is now 19 years old, rubs his back. He once again gets up and RUNS out of the room. INT. WEST ORANGE PAVILLIONMALL - DAY66We see a melancholy Blart as he rides through the mall. BLART (V.O.) I guess I was the last one to get the memo -- Paul Blart had officially peaked... INT. DINING ROOM - DAY77Blart is opening mail at the table, he reads a LETTER that Page 4/88 has SECURITY OFFICERS TRADE ASSOCIATIONletterhead. INSERT LETTER: selected to join us for an all expense paid trip to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo and Award ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada.” BLART (V.O.) ... orhad I? INT. MAYA’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS88Maya reads a different LETTER with UCLAletterhead. INSERT LETTER: accepted to the incoming freshman class.” BLART (O.S.) Maya! Come down here! I have some great news! MAYAMe too! Maya excitedly runs out of her room. INT. DINING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER99Maya bounds in. Blart can’t contain himself. Buff (04/30/2014)3. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTHoney... we’ve been invited to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo and Award ceremony, in LasVegas, Nevada! MAYAVegas? Wow! BLARTI think they’re finally recognizing me for getting the mall out of that jam. MAYAJam? Dad, you savedthe mall! They shouldhonor you. I’m so proud of you. Maya hugs him. BLARTThank you honey. Blart breaks the hug and then holds Maya by the shoulders. BLART (CONT’D) I’ll tell ya, times have been tough, but no matter what happens as long as I have you by my side, I’ll be okay. (then) Alright, enough about me... what’s Page 5/88 your great news? Maya realizes it’s not the time to tell her dad about UCLA. She secretly tucks the letter into her back pocket. MAYAYeah, umm... BLARTWell, c’monSweetie, you got me on pins and needles here. // yougot me on top of the roller coaster here. MAYAI just remembered that... we have left-over baked ziti. Blart stares blankly at Maya... Is he on to her? Then... BLART(even bigger smile) What a day!! // Weeeeee!! What a ride!! 4. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL The heroic MALL COP SCORE kicks in and we... CUT TO: CREDITS wiping behind the dented and worn SECURITY OFFICER 1010BADGE rotating through space. Finally settling on... TITLE: FLY-OVER1111The resort is bathed in golden sun, surrounded by the beautiful Las Vegas strip. EXT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - DAY1212Blart and Maya slam the trunk on their tiny RENTAL CAR. Blart, struggling with four bags of luggage, is dressed in tourist civvies and has a large laminated SECURITY OFFICERS TRADE ASSOCIATION EXPO pass hanging around his neck. A sweet faced valet, LANE (18), approaches. LANEMay I help with your bags, sir? BLARTNo, no. That’s how they get’cha. I’ll be fine on my own, thank you. LANENo problem, sir. Lane notices Maya and gives her a slight smile. Maya BLUSHES. INT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH ENTRANCE LOBBY - DAY1313Blart and Maya enter the spectacular lobby. Blart drops his bags in AWE. For Blart, this is like going to the SUPERBOWL. BLARTTake it in, cupcake... 400,000 square feet of casino and retail Page 6/88 space, sitting atop 215 luxurious acres... all protected by the finest security this side of the//Uh... I got nothin’. Top notch security though. // Mississip... andthe other side, actually. Both sides. (then) Welcome to the show. // Showtime. 5. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTYeah, I definitely would stand down for Robocop. DONNA ERICONEHe’s not real. BLARTNo, I knew that. Wow, glad I packed my dress whites. DONNA ERICONEGood thing. Just don’t tell anyone I told you. BLARTTell anyone what? DONNA ERICONEAbout the keynote -- (realizing) Oh, you got me... She punches Blart in the arm, hard. DONNA ERICONE (CONT’D) ... You done gone and gotme! I’ll see you tonight. BLARTRoger that, Officer Ericone. Donna exits. Blart turns to Maya, rubbing his arm. BLART (CONT’D) You were right princess... things just keep getting better. MAYA(feeling guilty) That’s great dad. An energized Blart strides up to a male RECEPTIONIST. BLARTYello-ha. RECEPTIONISTGood afternoon sir, welcome to the Wynn Resort. Blart hands him his ITINERARY. He reads it. Taps on his computer. BLARTChecking in. Page 7/88 7. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL RECEPTIONISTAbsolutely... Mr. Blart. BLARTMr. Blart... (chuckles to himself) I’m sure you were thrown by the travel wear. It’s actually Officer. People often forget there’s a human face to law enforcement. Maya’s horrified. RECEPTIONISTOh. Okay... sorry about that. (then) Oh, yes... “Officer” Blart, I see we have you in a partial mountain view and you requested a “bottomless” bowl of Peanut M&M’s... BLARTI didn’t... my doctor probably... it’s strictly medicinal. Unfortunately, I am cursed with hypo-glycemia. “The hidden hell.” Sugar level drops and so do I. RECEPTIONISTOkay. BLART(not letting it go) It is okay because... fun fact for ya... Author Stephen King and comedian Sinbad, // R&B diva Patty LaBellealso have hypo-glycemia. So, I’m in pretty good company. RECEPTIONISTOf course. (taps a few more keys) Ooh... I’m sorry, but your room isn’t ready yet. In fact, we don’t have you checking in until three. But you can leave your luggage and I will have it delivered to the room. MAYADad, I’m starving. Can we just get some lunch? BLARTWhoa! Hold the mayo. (to receptionist) Page 8/88 (MORE) 8. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL I’m sure you didn’t know this, uh... (reads name tag) Heath, but if you check the Grand ballroom and see what group’s booked there tonight, I think your tune might change a wee bit... The receptionist HITS A KEY, reads the screen. RECEPTIONISTMini-Kiss... the cover band. BLARTWow, they’re good. RECEPTIONISTYes, they are. BLARTYeah, I’m not with them. Is there a manager, I could talk to? RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry she’s not available right now. Blart makes a decision... SIGHS. BLARTAlright... I hate doing this. Blart reaches in his SHOULDER BAG. MAYAOh no, Dad... not the maga-- BLARTSorry dumplin’, got no choice. MAYA(to receptionist) Terrace Cafe open for lunch? RECEPTIONISTYes it is. MAYAI’m out. Maya goes. Blart drops the MAGAZINE on the counter and then with GREAT FANFARE turns it to face the receptionist and SLOWLY SLIDES it towards him. BLART (CONT'D) 9. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry sir, what am I looking at? BLART“Perimeter Check,” the official trade journal of the security industry, Feb. ‘09. RECEPTIONISTDid you print this yourself? Page 9/88 BLARTAbsolutely not -- it’s published biannually. Big seller in Canada. (then) Take a gander at the inside of the back cover, I think it should clear things up. RECEPTIONIST(reading) “Say goodbye to toenail fungus...” BLARTOpposite page... toward the bottom. RECEPTIONIST : Oh. (then) Is that you? BLARTIt is. (leans in) This is not public information, but it seems I’m going to be delivering the keynote speech at the Security Officer convention, tonight. RECEPTIONIST(remembering) Oh you know, I think they cancelled that... (checks computer) Wup, no, they didn’t. But it was downsized to conference room “C”. Nope, “F.” The Receptionist retrieves a MAP, and opens it. RECEPTIONIST (CONT’D) Okay, here’s a map of our property. Blart looks at it quickly and slides it back. 10. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTThank you. RECEPTIONISTNo, that’s yours to keep. BLARTDon’t need it. It’s been scanned. (re: It’s all in here. Locked and loaded. Time for lunch. Blart exits. After a beat: RECEPTIONISTSir, your daughter and the Page 10/88 restaurant are that way. He points in the opposite direction. BLARTYup... themap was upside down when I scanned it. Blart exits the other way. OMIT 1515INT. TERRACE CAFE / (EUROPEAN POOL) - DAY1616Blart arrives at an outdoor table to find Lane talking to Maya, who is already in the middle of an appetizer. LANEWas I lying about the conch fritters? MAYAYou were not! They’re amazing! With just the right amount of zip! LANEGotta love the zip! MAYAOh, I do... I was born to zip! LANEPut my hand up on my hip, whenI zip... MAYA...youzip, 11. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYA (CONT’D) ...we zip. LANE...we zip. They share a LAUGH. There’s obviously a little connection between them. Blart clocks this. Lane turns to him. LANE (CONT’D) Oh, you forgot your valet ticket sir. He hands Blart the TICKET and then turns back to Maya, smiles and exits. Maya blushes once again. Blart plops down and stares at Maya. MAYAWhat? BLARTYou were bornto zip? Since when do you use the word “zip?” MAYAI always use the word zip. BLARTI don’t like it. Hipster talk. Maya shakes her head. MAYALook, Dad... you’re gonnahave to get used to the fact that I’m a big girl now. BLARTOkay, first of all, we’re all big... we’re Blarts. Wide hips, thick ankles and a low center of Page 11/88 gravity, that’s how the good Lord made us. That’s why we’re so good at moving furniture. Blart pulls something from his pocket. It’s a MECHANICAL VIBRATING FORK. He begins to pick at the conch fritters. MAYAWhat is that? BLARTMy vibrating fork. It forces me eat slower. You think I eat fast at home? On vacation, I’m like a greyhound chasing a bunny. Blart takes a QUICK TWO BITES and it indeed VIBRATES and a RED LIGHT light FLASHES. 12. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (CONT’D) See? Blart waits for it to STOP vibrating, and the light to turn GREEN. He then takes another bite. This time slower. BLART (CONT’D) There we go. (quietly to himself) It’s just fuel. Just fuel. VOICE (O.S) Mr. Blart? Blart turns around WAY TOO FAST for the situation. BLARTSHANGHAI! But it’s only the smoking hot general manager, DIVINA MARTINEZ, who has two ROOM KEYS in her hand. DIVINAOh. Sorry to startle you, sir. BLARTIt’s okay, sometimes it’s just hard to turn off. // You hit the trip wire is all. Divina has no idea what he is talking about. DIVINAOkay. Well, I’m Divina Martinez, the hotel’s general manager. I wanted to apologize about the confusion regarding the convention and let you to know how happy we are to have your group staying with us. (beat) And good news -- I upgraded your Page 12/88 room. It has a view of the strip, it’s ready right now, and I wanted to give you the keys personally. Divina sets the keys down on the table and accidentally BRUSHES HER FINGERS against Blart’s. DIVINA (CONT’D) Oh, sorry about that. (having fun) Although, I must say you have very soft hands. Blart immediately reacts. 13. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTWhoa. Pump the brakes. // Whoa, pffffffffft... airbag! DIVINAExcuse me? BLARTI sense what you’re doing... (off her name tag) Divina. DIVINAWhat am I doing? BLARTTruthfully? Being a bit transparent. DIVINA(confused) I’m sorry. I don’t follow-- BLARTLook, I understand it’s the 21st century and a woman can go after hers just like a man. Maya is now dying a slow death. MAYADad, I really don’t think she was-- BLART(puts his hand up) This is grown-up stuff, tadpole. (back to Divina) Look, it takes two to tango and my dancing shoes are currently out for repair. DIVINASir... I’m sorry if I -- BLARTApology not needed, just know I’m working my way through a maze of personal fire and until the flames of chaos subside... I’m just not ready for public consumption. Divina decides it’s best to just let the customer be right. Page 13/88 DIVINAUm... I understand, sir. Have a great stay. 14. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Divina walks off. BLART(to Maya) It’s not just me, right? She was relentless. Divina, still totally confused, turns back to look one more time. EXT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - CONTINUOUS 1717A custom Harley Davidson MOTORCYCLE blows into the valet area and comes to a stop. The rider takes off his helmet to reveal... EDUARDO FURTILLO, HEAD OF SECURITY for the Wynn Resort and Casino. He is immaculately dressed in a GREY SUIT, with an EAR PIECE inconspicuously tucked into his collar. Two AGENTS from Casino Security join his side as Eduardo confidently enters the hotel. One wears a BLACK SUIT, AGENT PARSONS The other wears a PURPLE SUIT (like the one Henkwore,) this is AGENT JENKINS. EXT. TERRACE CAFE (EUROPEAN POOL) - MOMENTS LATER1818Divina stands there, lost in thought. Eduardo strides up. EDUARDO : Hola, mi amor. Divina, still a tad thrown, gives Eduardo a little kiss. He senses something is off. EDUARDO (CONT’D) What troubles you, my pet? DIVINAI just had the strangest exchange with that guy over there. Divina points to Blart. P.O.V: EDUARDOEl Gordo? DIVINA(this is absurd) Yeah -- he accused me of hitting on him. 15. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow Page 14/88 SPE CONFIDENTIAL EDUARDO(chuckles) Funny -- they say overweight people use humor to achieve affection. DIVINAYou know what? Okay, yes -- I also heard that. // -- that makes sense. They share a laugh, as they both look at Blart. P.O.V: VIBRATING and the LIGHT to turn off. A VIP RECEPTIONIST arrives and clears her throat. VIP RECEPTIONISTExcuse me, Ms. Martinez, our VIP guest has arrived. INT. WYNN VIP RECEPTION AREA - MOMENTS LATER1919Divina and Eduardo enter. Divina extends her hand to... VINCENT SOFEL, 40’s, TWO DIFFERENT COLORED EYES, a three piece suit, sits in a chair, sipping an espresso. A BRIEFCASE sits at his feet. Behind him is ROBINSON, mid 30’s, African American and Vincent’s bodyguard, SCOTT, tall, black suit. Vincent stands. DIVINAWelcome back to the Wynn, Mr. Sofel. We have the accommodations you requested all ready for you. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to call either myself or our head of security, Mr. Furtillo. Divina points to Eduardo, who nods. VINCENTYou guys took me for a lot of money on my last visit. DIVINAWell, I hope you’re able to turn that around this time. Vincent smirks. VINCENTOh, I plan to. 16. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM -- LATER2020Blart finishes unpacking and notices that there is one QUEENSIZE BED and one folded ROLL AWAY. He calls to Maya. BLARTI don’t know how this is an upgrade. You take the bed, I’ll Page 15/88 take the roll away. MAYA (O.S.) Dad, this is your convention, you can’t sleep on the roll away. BLARTI certainly can. I once fell asleep in a hurdler’s stretch. // climbinga fence. // rakingleaves. // duringa snowball fight. MAYA (O.S.) We’ll figure it out later. I gotta get going. Maya comes out wearing a ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT, with puffy flowers. She’s holding her beach bag, and heads for the door. Blart panics... BLARTWhoaaa, okay, thanks for telling me, Victoria’s secret! (averts his eyes) What do you think you’re wearing young lady? MAYAUm, a bathing suit? BLARTMaybe for an elf // maybe for a cabbage patch doll... how about leaving a little to the imagination. // leavinga little for your wedding night. MAYAI was going to hang out by the pool. BLARTNot in that. Maya rolls her eyes, grabs a COVER UP and puts it over her bathing suit. MAYAFine. Then I’m going exploring. 17. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Maya starts for the door. BLARTHold up. You got your extra phone battery? MAYAYup. BLARTFlashlight? MAYAAlways. BLARTHot pepper spray? MAYACheck. BLARTPocket knife-key chain, window Page 16/88 smasher? MAYAI do. BLARTBaby road flares? MAYAYes! I’ve got it all! Finally, Blart produces a small consumer WALKIETALKIE. BLARTHere take this. It’s set to monitor, so I can hear everything that’s going on. MAYANo way -- I already feel like a SWAT unit! BLARTMaya, security is a mission, not an intermission. Blart looks long at Maya, until this sinks in... Yellow (04/22/2014)18. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (CONT’D) Okay. Head on a swivel. She exits. INT. WYNN PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY - HIGH CEILING2121We are in a beautiful, two story suite. There is a flurry of activity as several people (NADIA, CARLOS, KIRA, and Scott) move DIFFERENT SIZE WOODEN CRATES into the suite. Vincent hands Robinson the BRIEFCASE he’s been carrying. Robinson opens it and places it on the coffee table. He then unfolds three pencil-thin COMPUTER MONITORS from the case, revealing a KEYBOARD. We see that the briefcase has now become an elaborate COMPUTER SYSTEM. Robinson looks impressed. Vincent leans over Robinson’s shoulder. VINCENTLet’s see if I bankrolled the right NSA agent. Robinson hits a few keystrokes, then a PASSWORD and we see that he’s hacked into the entire Wynn surveillance system. ROBINSONHow’s that? VINCENTSo far, so good. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. All activity stops dead. Scott pulls a SILENCED PISTOL, puts it behind his back and opens the door. A Wynn security agent, HENK, enters. He wears the signature WYNN, PURPLE SUIT with a NAME TAG and an EAR BUD. HENKWe had a complaint about the noise. Page 17/88 Robinson stands and approaches the security guard. He looks him up and down for a tense beat, then... ROBINSONThat’s why we have you. Vincent steps up. VINCENTI gotta say Henk, -- nice uniform. 19. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL And Henk, the fake security agent, smiles wide. HENKYou don’t want to know what it took to get the real deal. VINCENTI don’t -- The activity once again starts. Henkwinks and... HENKGotta get back to keeping the Wynn Resort safe. Henkshuts the door behind him. Nadia, the art expert, holds up her phone as she approaches Vincent. NADIAThey’ve moved several of the pieces in the last few days. Here’s the new locations of all thirteen. On the screen is a hi-tech “3DRENDERING” of the entire hotel with RED DOTS marking the locations of the art. She hits send on her phone. Vincent then gathers his troops. VINCENTPerfect. I want to be in and out in less than nine hours people. Robinson holds up his phone next to Vincent’s, a timer is CLICKING DOWN from 9:00:00... 8:59:59... 8:59:58, etc. Robinson hits a BUTTON and the TIMER on Vincent’s phone perfectly syncs up. We now see the crew start to change their clothes into Wynn “EMPLOYEES: Even Robinson puts on a PURPLE security coat and EAR PIECE. INT. WYNN CASINO (ENCORE CASINO) - DAY2222Blart strolls through the casino, when he hears an ERUPTION of CHEERS at a nearby CRAPS TABLE. He weaves his way over. BLART(to gambler) What’s all the hoopla friend? GAMBLER # 1(re: This guy’s crushing! I’m literally running out of room for my chips! Page 18/88 20. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL WAITRESSIt’s complimentary, sir. BLART(keeps getting better) Complimentary? (signaling for all) Then root beers around the horn! She stares at him. BLART (CONT’D) (sotto) Just one. She exits. BLART (CONT’D) I have never felt more alive! The High Roller THROWS the dice. CRAPS DEALERSeven! Craps! A HUGE GROAN from the crowd. Gambler # 1 GLARES at Blart. GAMBLER # 1Boo. The dealer turns to Blart. CRAPS DEALERYou lost everythingBLARTBut, don’t I get -- CRAPS DEALEREverything. Devastated, Blart stares straight ahead and slowly backs away from the table. Just then his complimentary ROOT BEER arrives. Blart blankly grabs the mug, CHUGS the entire thing and slowly walks away in a daze. EXT. WYNN SOUTH ENTRANCE LOBBY - DAY2323Still stung, Blart walks through the lobby when he sees Maya talking to Lane at the Valet stand! He stealthily makes his way to get a better look, when Maya notices him. Busted, Blart tries to get away but he just slams into a LUGGAGE CART. 22. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - CONTINUOUS23A23ALane notice Blart, struggling with the luggage cart. LANEHey, is that your dad? MAYAI wish I could say “no” right now. Page 19/88 (then) I’ll be right back. Maya leaves and approaches Blart. MAYA (CONT’D) Dad, are you spying on me? BLARTSpying? No, I’m -- I just wanted you to know something... MAYAWhat? Beat. Thinks. BLARTThe door to safety swings on common sense. MAYAGo. Please. BLARTMaya. MAYADad! You are embarrassing me. BLART(heartbroken) Sorry you feel that way. I’ll leave you alone. MAYAPlease. Maya returns to talk to Lane, as Blart walks away, crushed. Just then, Blart is approached by SAUL GUNDERMUTT, a poorly dressed man with a mouthful of huge VENEERS, a thick Afro of RED HAIR and sporting large GOLD FRAMED EYE GLASSES. 23. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SAUL GUNDERMUTTBlart. Saul Gundermutt, head of the Security Officers Trade Association. I catch you at a bad time? BLART(recovering) No, no, it’s a pleasure, sir. SAUL GUNDERMUTTPleasure’s mine and I just want you to know, I got you sitting at my table tonight. Blart can barely contain himself. This confirms it! BLARTWow, I’m just so excited. I heard rumblings.... Saul looks CONFUSED. SAUL GUNDERMUTTRumblings? BLART(leading) About the keynote... SAUL GUNDERMUTTOh... with good reason -- NickPanero’sgiving it. Great guy. Great guard. Page 20/88 Blart looks gut punched. He quickly tries to cover. BLARTYeah, no. NickPanero. Those were the rumblings. That’s terrific. That is SO good. (then) Love to meet him sometime... pick his brain... SAUL GUNDERMUTTLooks like your lucky day, here he comes. Saul nods in the direction of.... Officer NICKPANERO, 40’s, GOOFY, JITTERY wearing a MALL OF MIAMI T-SHIRT, and Officer GINO CHIZETTI, 50’s, wearing an ill-fitting TANK TOP. They approach Blart. Pink (04/21/2014)24. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT’D) Blart. Officer NickPaneroand Officer Gino Chizetti. BLARTOfficer Manero. Nice to-- NICKPANEROHold the applesauce, hot shot. I heard‘ayou. Rumor has it, you thought youwere giving the keynote tonight. (turns to Chizetti) He thought he was giving it. GINO CHIZETTIYou thought you were giving it? BLART(covering) No. I didn’t -- NICKPANEROMan. You gotta stop bringing up that Black Friday thing, Blart. It was six years ago. GINO CHIZETTIGotta let it go. BLART(confused) I never brought up Black Friday. GINO CHIZETTIYa did... ya just did. SAUL GUNDERMUTTActually, the Black Friday thing’s why you’re here, Paul. BLARTHmm? SAUL GUNDERMUTTTo show some appreciation. Let you check out the latest in security technology and sit at the table of honor when Nick gives the keynote. Page 21/88 BLARTAnd what an honor it is. (to Nick) I’m sorry, what did you do again? Pink (04/21/2014)25. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL NICKPANERO(incredulous) What’dI do? GINO CHIZETTI(incredulous) What’dhe do? NICKPANEROLast year I thwarted a ring of frozen yogurt thieves. You know those punch cards where if you hit a certain amount you get a free yogurt? BLARTSure. SAUL GUNDERMUTTWe got ‘em in the mid west. NICKPANEROWell, these animals made their own hole-punch, and next thing you know the place is hemorrhagingyogurt. I had no choice but to take ‘em down. GINO CHIZETTITake ‘em down. NICKPANERO(to Chizetti) You gotta stop that. GINO CHIZETTIYup. SAUL GUNDERMUTTPretty impressive, huh? BLARTYeah, bad day to be a yogurt thief. NICKPANEROThat’s right, slingshot. Well, no hard feelings. Tell you what. After I bring down the house tonight... Chizetti and I’ll take you out for a cold one. BLART(through the pain) I don’t drink. That’s when a Segway EMPLOYEE rides behind them and pulls up to a Segway RENTAL KIOSK. Pink (04/21/2014)26. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Blart’s eyes GO WIDE. Gino Chizetti leans in... GINO CHIZETTIHeard you’re pretty good on one of Page 22/88 those. BLARTI’ve been known to dabble. Blart jumps on the Segway... BLART (CONT’D) (trying to appear humble) I really shouldn’t. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEActually sir, you can’t. I would need a valid driver’s license if you want to take it for a test drive. Blart holds his LAMINATE in front of his face. BLARTI think if you peep the laminate, you’ll see I’m all access. Let me just nudge her out of whisper mode. Blart hits a BUTTON and the Segway gives off an acceptance CHIRP. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEOkay, well I see you know your way around a p133. BLARTI do, but this old gal’s a bit tired... I have a modified i2commuter myself. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEWow, that’s really cool... still gonnaneed a valid license though. Blart easily does a couple of quick moves. Growing in confidence... BLART(re: Whoa... THAT just took place. // Whoa... THAT was valid. SEGWAY EMPLOYEESir, please be careful. It’s about weight distribution. Make sure both hands are firmly on the grips. 27. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTOh, really? So I’m guessing you wouldn’t want me to do THIS! Blart takes BOTH HANDS off the Segway and leans forward taking off towards the Valet stand and Maya. Blart WINKS at Maya, she’s horrified. MAYAPlease don’t... Blart aggressively executes a series of impressive, ONE-ARMED SPIN MOVES, gaining speed and confidence. Blart takes off BACKWARDS into the driveway. Page 23/88 The crowd is impressed, until a SHUTTLE VAN pulls up and everyone GASPS... It’s going to DRILL Blart... But NO! Blart pulls off the move of the century and avoids certain disaster!! Just as he looks over to the impressed crowd and cracks a sly smile... he backs the Segway directly into a moving CONVERTIBLE! Blart back flips into the back seat and the car pulls away. Maya’s mortified. Lane is stunned. After a beat... LANEWell, I better get back to work. I’m off in a half hour. Maybe I’ll see you around. MAYAI’d like that. As Blart drunk-walks his way back into the valet area... BLART(mumbling) Shuttle van...// Still got the laminate... INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM - AFTERNOON2424Blart, still in pain, lays on the ROLL AWAY. Maya enters from the bathroom wearing a Wynn robe. BLARTLottafun today... great fun! MAYADad, you okay? You should really get checked out. 28. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Blart musters the courage to tell her. BLARTPumpkin, my body’s fine... it’s my ego that took a hit. Turns out I’m not giving the keynote tonight. Maya feels terrible. MAYAWell you know what? You should call a cop, because you got robbed. BLARTThanks kitten... but technically I wouldn’t need a cop -- MAYAIt’s a figure of speech, daddy. BLART : I know, it’s just, cops think they’re all that. Don’t like it. Do not... like it. Blart checks his WATCH. BLART (CONT’D) Page 24/88 Whoa, we got a meet-and-greet in fifteen... we should get a move on. Blart painfully gets off the roll away. MAYAAs exciting as that sounds, I think I’m just gonnatake a bath and a nap. I’m kindatired. BLART(a bit hurt) Sure. Right. You should get some rest. (beat) I’ll come back to get you for dinner at Bartolotta. We have reservations at six. It’s supposed to be the real deal. MAYA(short) Gotcha. Blart deflates, opens the door. MAYA (CONT’D) Hey dad... Yellow (04/22/2014)29. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYA (CONT’D) Sorry about the speech. I’ll see you later. I love you. She gives Blart a KISS and heads into the bathroom. He can’t help but SMILE. EXT. EUROPEAN POOL/ CABANA BAR - AFTERNOON2525Blart stands with Gino and Donna listening to Nick. They all hold FRUITY DRINKS. NICKPANEROSo I got this one kid against the wall and I turn to the other and say, “hand over the yogurt.” It was over that fast. Lights out. GINO CHIZETTILights out. (turns to Blart) Hey, how much you pay for your belt? BLART(confused) Um... I don’t know it was a gift. GINO CHIZETTIYou gotta guy? ‘Cause I gotta guy. Page 25/88 BLARTA belt guy? No, I don’t have a belt guy. Just then an older, Indian man, KHAN MUBI, joins the group. As he greets each one of them, he HUGS them... KHAN MUBIKhan Mubi. Nice to meet. (hug) Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. (hug) Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. Blart takes the hug. BLARTThank you. It’s been one heck of a day. That embrace helped. Khan pulls Blart in for ANOTHER hug. BLART (CONT’D) Yup. First one warmed me up... but this one brought it home. Pink (04/21/2014)30. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Khan releases the hug. BLART (CONT’D) We should probably go... They all make their way into the... INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL - MOMENTS LATER2626Where many KIOSKS are set up under banners...“NON-LETHAL WEAPONS... ETC.” Blart is impressed. BLARTWow... INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE BATHROOM - SAME2727Maya lights a CANDLE and sets it on the edge of the tub. She takes out her acceptance letter, sits and reads it again. She is interrupted by her phone BEEPING. It’s a text from Lane. ON SCREEN: EXT. WYNN ASIAN SCULPTURE HALLWAY - SAME2828An incredible ASIAN SCULPTURE is being admired by two TOURISTS. Nearby, an attractive WOMAN drops her PURSE, scattering her belongings onto the floor. We’ve seen her before in the presidential suite, her name is Kira. KIRAOh, no! As soon as the tourists move over to help her, Robinson, dressed as purple coated security, takes out a REPLICA DOME and hits “play.” Page 26/88 ON SCREEN: He quickly moves under the SECURITY CAMERA and ATTACHES the replica dome, so it’s broadcasting what’s playing in a 360 degree field of view. He then holds out what looks like a hand held metal detector. A BLUE LIGHT emits from the device and SCANS the glass case. A light on the back of the device turns GREEN. Robinson then NODS to Kira. She nods back and Robinson moves off. 31. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL "F" - SAME2929Blart, Khan, Gino and Donna move to the first kiosk where REP #1 lifts up what looks like a SAWED OFF SHOTGUN. Nick heads off in a different direction. REP #1I’d like to introduce you to “The Big Sticky Mess,” a sawed off shotgun that shoots glue foam. You get this on you and it’s stickier than a work shoe in an IHOPbathroom. The group moves to the NEXT KIOSK: Blart greets REP #2. BLARTWhat’s the latest, friend? REP #2Marbles... you release this tie, and two hundred marbles are at your disposal. It’s your best answer to crowd control. You can’t run with these under your feet. Heck, you can’t even stand. THE NEXT KIOSK: BLARTFlashlight? REP #3Nope. The VitruSonic Taser. Renders your assailant incapacitated for five seconds at a time. The group walks along, when Blart notices... THE KIOSK ACROSS THE WAY: Saul Gundermutt attends to a large CURTAINED BOX. Blart drifts away from the group and up to Saul. SAUL GUNDERMUTTHey Paul. BLARTHey Saul. What’chagot there? Page 27/88 SAUL GUNDERMUTTIt’s getting revealed tomorrow at the luncheon. It’s a prototype. Not supposed to show anybody. (looks around) (MORE) 32. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL But since you’re into gyroperformance vehicles.... takea gander. Saul peels back the curtain. We don’t see what Blart sees. SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT’D) Things will never be the same. Blart is shaken to the core. NEXT KIOSK: rejoins the group. REP #4When it’s time to make them pay the price, reach for “The Finisher,” * the most effective, non-lethal bean bag firearm on the market. The officers are impressed. The Rep turns to Blart. REP #4 (CONT’D) Why don’t you take her for a spin. BLARTMe? Um... sure. The Rep hands the gun to Blart who takes careful aim. There are FOUR TARGETS set up. Blart fires off four quick shots... MISS. MISS. MISS. MISS. We hear a CHUCKLE off screen. The group turns to reveal... Eduardo, Agent Parsons (black coat) and Agent Jenkins (purple coat). EDUARDOPaul Blart, Mall Cop. BLARTYes sir. EDUARDOEduardo Furtillo, Headof Security for the Wynn Resort and Casino.. BLARTOh, nice to meet a fellow brother in arms. (then, to his group) Fun fact for ya. You may notice that Mr. Furtillo here, being the head of security is in a grey coat. While... I’m sorry son, I didn’t Page 28/88 get your name. SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT'D) Cherry (05/13/2014)33. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL The security agent next to Eduardo speaks. AGENT JENKINSJenkins. BLARTWhile Jenkins here is wearing a purple coat. See, they have a hierarchy of coat colors based on their security responsibilities... Grey, black, pine, and then finally... purple. (to Jenkins) Sorry. No offense. AGENT JENKINSYou’re wearing a polyestershirt with spanxunderneath. BLARTYep. Good catch. // Today I am... yes. (then, to Eduardo) By the way, as a professional courtesy, happy to keep my eyes peeled for any irregularities while I’m here. JENKINSOh, I think we’re good. BLARTYou’re great, the best -- just honoring the code of the badge. If you’re ever in my barn, I hope you’d do the same. EDUARDO(to Jenkins) He’s adorable, right? Jenkins and Parsons share a laugh. EDUARDO (CONT’D) (back to Blart) I see you admiring the “non lethals”. Guess they don’t trust you with the real stuff. I mean what are you really “guarding” anyway? Cell phone covers and Cinnabon? BLARTWell, there’s also three ATM’s and a Dave and Buster’s, so -- Pink (04/21/2014)34. Page 29/88 David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL EDUARDOHey. (motions to Blart) Closer. Gonna let you in on a little secret. Since I was named head of security five years ago, we have not had so much as a towel go missing. The Wynn hotel is the most secure place in the entire world. Without breaking eye contact, Eduardo GRABS the bean bag gun and fires off FOUR SHOTS with one hand, KNOCKING DOWN all four targets. EDUARDO (CONT’D) We don’t need your help, amateur hour. But please, have fun at your little get together tonight. Eduardo drops the bean bag gun and walks away. Blart turns to the group. BLARTWow, that was impressive. And is it me, or did he smell like tobacco and vanilla? INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM - AFTERNOON3030Blart enters his hotel room. BLARMaya... you still in the bath? (knocks on door) Sunshine? Concerned, Blart opens the door to find... the BATHTUB FILLED, candles STILL LIT, her ROBE lying on the floor. BUT NO MAYA! He grabs the phone in the bathroom. BLARTGET ME SECURITY! EXT. ENCORE BEACH CLUB POOL BAR - AFTERNOON3131As several youngpeople hang out, wefindMayaand Lane each enjoy a SODA. LANEIt’s so cool you got into UCLA. You must be stoked. 35. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYANot really. I haven’t been able to tell my dad. Page 30/88
Percy Jackson and the Olympians Season 1 Episode 5 (pt 1)
I know this took a really long time, hope you guys like it. If you work for Disney, this is a pitch. Cast Jack Dylan Grazer as Percy Jackson Cassidy Nugent as Annabeth Chase Nick Palatas as Grover Underwood Liv Tyler as the Nereid Sylvester Stallone as Gabe Ugliano Barbra Walters as herself Vin Diesel as Crusty Idris Elba as Charon Andy Serkis as Evil Voice Hugo Weaving as Hades Dwayne Johnson as Ares Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Season one episode five: “And I Thought Airport Security Was Ridiculous” or “Will the Real Lightning Thief Please Stand Up?” screenplay INT – LAS VEGAS TAXI CAB – EARLY NOON PERCY, ANNABETH and GROVER get into the back of a taxi cab. CABBY: (Bored, uninterested, cigar in mouth) Where to, kids? ANNABETH: (Calm, confident) Los Angeles, please. CABBY: (Raises eyebrow, puffs on cigar) Dat’s three hundred miles from here, miss. You’ll have to pay upfront. ANNABETH: Do you take casino debit cards? CABBY: Depends. I’ll have to give it a swipe. ANNABETH hands the cab driver her LotusCash card, and he looks at it skeptically. He rolls his eyes and swipes it, and the meter begins rattling and the lights on it flash. When an infinity symbol appears on the meter, the cabby’s cigar drops out of his mouth in shock. CABBY: (Shocked, excited) W-where in Los Angeles, your highness? ANNABETH: (Sits up a little, smiles) Santa Monica pier, please. Get us there by evening, and you can keep the change. The cabby slams down the gas pedal, and several cars honk at him as he flies down the street. As they head through the Mojave desert, PERCY tells ANNABETH and GROVER about the dream he had before they went to the Lotus Hotel and Casino. PERCY: … And then the voice in the pit saw me. He showed me my mother… and a black throne carved with faces screaming in agony. And then… (Gulps) … The undead soldiers put a red robe and a laurel of thorns on me… and then I became one of them. GROVER: Well that got dark fast. PERCY: There’s something else. The guy in the cloak, the Lightning Thief, called the voice something… The… “Something” One… ANNABETH: (Disappointed, blunt) Well that’s incredibly unspecific. Was it the Rich One? The Silent One? Those are both nicknames for HADES. PERCY: (Unsure) Maybe… GROVER: Well, the throne sounds like the way HADES’S throne is described. Black obsidian carved with faces of damnation. PERCY: Yeah but… the throne wasn’t the main part of the dream. And the voice in the pit… I dunno, it just doesn’t feel like the voice of a god. It seemed… older. ANNABETH’S eye get wide with dread. PERCY: (Concerned) What? What’s wrong? ANNABETH: (A bit uneasy) N-nothing. I was just thinking… no. It has to be HADES. He probably sent the Lightning Thief to steal the MASTER BOLT, and something must’ve went wrong- PERCY: Like what? ANNABETH: I- (Reluctant) -I don’t know. But to steal something as important as the MASTER BOLT, and the fact that ZEUS has his best trackers on the job, a lot of stuff could go wrong. So, the thief could’ve hidden the bolt, or maybe even lost it. Anyway, the thief failed to deliver the BOLT to HADES, that’s what the voice in your dream said, right? The Lightning Thief failed. That explains what the Furies were looking for when they attacked us on the bus. They probably thought we had the BOLT. PERCY notices a hint of anxiety in ANNABETH’S eyes, and sees that she seems to be shaking a bit. PERCY: (Suspicious, confused) But… if HADES thinks I already have the BOLT, why would I be coming to the UNDERWORLD? GROVER: To blackmail him into giving your mom back. PERCY: (Surprised) You know, you have pretty dark thoughts for a goat. GROVER: (Blunt) Thanks. PERCY: But… the voice said he was waiting for two items. If the MASTER BOLT’S one, what’s the other? GROVER shrugs. PERCY: (Turns to ANNABETH, knowing look in his eyes) You know what it is, don’t you? The voice in the pit? ANNABETH: (Hesitant, worried) PERCY, I… let’s not talk about it. It’s probably HADES. PERCY: (Thinking) I just… I just feel like there’s something we’re still missing. ANNABETH: (Uneasy) Well, I guess we’ll find the answer in the UNDERWORLD. PERCY forlornly looks out the window at the desert scenery whizzing past. EXT – SANTA MONICA BEACH - SUNSET The kids head to the edge of the surf. ANNABETH: Well? What now? PERCY stares out over the ocean, and gets a longing look in his eyes. He takes a deep breath, taking in the ocean air, and slowly steps into the water. ANNABETH: (Surprised, worried) PERCY? What are you- PERCY ignores her, and continues walking into the water. GROVER: Dude, do you have any idea how polluted that water is? ANNABETH: (Concerned) PERCY, get out of there. You’ll grow a third- Once PERCY gets chest deep into the water, he dives under, disappearing from ANNABETH and GROVER’S view. EXT – UNDER THE PACIFIC OCEAN – SAME TIME PERCY holds his breath at first, then remembers he can breathe underwater, and lets himself breathe normally. PERCY: That’s gonna take some getting used to. He looks around the water, curious, then notices a mako shark right beside him. PERCY (Startled, jumps) Ah! PERCY calms down when he realizes the shark is not trying to harm him, and it nuzzles up against him like a dog. PERCY hesitantly touches the shark’s dorsal fin, and it bucks gently, inviting PERCY to hold on tighter. PERCY grabs onto the shark’s fin, and it takes off, blasting through the water like a rocket, pulling PERCY along. PERCY: (Surprised) Whoa, boy! The shark pulls PERCY deeper and deeper into the ocean. PERCY: (Slightly worried) Where are you taking me? The shark begins to slow down, and PERCY catches his breath when they come to a huge, gaping, pitch black canyon. WOMAN’S VOICE: (O.S.) (Quiet, gentle, far away) PERSEUS… PERCY is surprised to hear the voice of the river spirit he spoke to in St. Louis. WOMAN’S VOICE: (O.S.) (Gentle) PERCY JACKSON… PERCY makes out a light in the darkness of the canyon, and it slowly gets bigger until he sees beautiful woman with black hair, her body glowing gently with white light, wearing a flowing, greenish-white silk dress. She dismounts, smiles, and gives PERCY a small bow. Her giant seahorse and the mako shark begin playfully chasing each other. WATER SPIRIT: (Smiling, kind) You have come far, my hero. Well done. PERCY awkwardly bows, as she did. WATER SPIRIT: (Small laugh) You are prince, PERCY JACKSON, you need not bow to me. PERCY: You’re the spirit I talked to in the Mississippi River, aren’t you? WATER SPIRIT: Yes, child. I am a Nereid, a spirit of the sea. It was not easy for me to travel so far up river, but my freshwater cousins, the naiads, were able to help me sustain myself. The naiads honor your father, though they do not serve in his court. PERCY: And… you do? Serve in his court, I mean? NEREID: Indeed. I must say, it has been many long years since a son of the sea god has been born. My sisters and I have watched over you with great interest. PERCY: (Confused, a bit resentful) If my dad’s so interested in me, why doesn’t he come talk to me in person? A cold current rises out of the canyon, and almost knocks PERCY off his feet. NEREID: (Sad, gentle) Do not judge the Lord of the Sea too harshly. Your father is incredibly busy; he now stands on the brink of an unwanted war. And apart from that, your father is forbidden from helping you directly. Gods mustn’t show favoritism, you know. PERCY: (Surprised, a bit sad) Even to their own children? NEREID: Especially to their own children. However, the gods can work through indirect influences, which is why your father has sent me to give you a warning; and a gift. The Nereid holds out her hand, and shows PERCY three gleaming white pearls. NEREID: You journey to the realm of HADES. Few have returned from that place; Orpheus, who possessed great musical skill, Hercules, who possessed great strength, Houdini, who could escape even the depths of TARTARUS. Have you any of these talents? PERCY: (Awkward) Um… well… no. NEREID: (Kind smile) But you possess something else, PERCY JACKSON. Gifts you have yet to know. The oracles have foretold great and terrible future for you, should you survive to manhood. Your father would not have you die before your time comes. Therefore, he wishes to give you these pearls. When you are in need, smash them at your feet. PERCY: (Tentatively takes the pearls) … What do they do? NEREID: That depends on the manner of your need. But remember this; what belongs to the sea will always return to the sea. PERCY: (Stares at the pearls with wonder) You said you also came to give me a warning. What is it? NEREID: (Leans forward) Listen to your heart, or you shall fail. HADES feeds upon doubt and hopelessness. He will try to trick you into mistrusting yourself. Once you enter the Realm of the Dead, he will never willingly let you leave. You must keep strong, and have faith. The Nereid mounts her giant seahorse, and slowly descends back into the dark canyon. NEREID: Good luck, PERCY JACKSON. PERCY: (Urgent) Wait! Back in St. Louis, you told me not to trust “the gifts”. What gifts? NEREID: (Voice becoming distant) Farewell, my young hero. Listen to your heart… The Nereid disappears into the darkness, leaving PERCY alone with the mako shark. PERCY gives the pearls an empty look, then begins swimming back to the surface. EXT – SANTA MONICA BEACH – A FEW MINUTES LATER PERCY shows the pearls to his friends. ANNABETH: (Skeptical) This can’t be good. No gift ever comes for free. PERCY: But… she just gave them to me. No strings attached. ANNABETH: You ever heard the saying, “No such thing as a free lunch”? It’s an Ancient Greek saying that works pretty well in English, especially in America. There will be a price, just wait and see. PERCY puts the pearls in his pocket, a slightly worried/disappointed look on his face. Later, as night falls, the kids cautiously wander around L.A., police sirens blaring in the back ground. ANNABETH notices a cop car coming, and pulls the boys into an alley. Once the cop car passes, they cautiously leave the alley. PERCY: (Relieved) Phew… that was a close- PERCY stops mid-sentence when he sees a his stepdad GABE, who is sitting with a pretty blonde woman, being interviewed by Barbra Walters on a TV in an appliance store. GABE: (ON TV SCREEN) (Feigning grief) Honest, Ms. Walters, if it weren’t for Sugar here, my grief counselor, I… I don’t know what I’d do. My stepson took everything I care about… my wife… my car… I just… GROVER: For some reason I don’t think she’s a grief counselor. GABE: (Wipes away fake tear) I’m sorry, I have a hard time talkin’ bout it. BARBRA WALTERS: (Overly dramatic, turns to camera) There you have it, America. A man torn apart. An adolescent boy with serious issues. Here’s the last known photo of the troubled young fugitive, taken in Denver, Colorado, about a week ago. A grainy image of PERCY, ANNABETH and GROVER talking to ARES outside the diner in Denver comes up on the screen next to Barbra Walters. BARBRA WALTERS: (Over dramatic) Who are the other children in this photo? Who is the man with them? Is PERCY JACKSON simply a delinquent, a terrorist, or perhaps the brainwashed victim of a frightening new cult? When we come back, we’ll chat with leading child psychologist. Stay tuned, America. PERCY’S face becomes twisted with fury, and GROVER gently grabs him by the shoulder. GROVER: Come on, dude. Let’s get going. The kids begin wandering around L.A., and become nervous when they notice some shady people hanging around. They past by some people who look like gangbangers, bums, and various other suspicious looking people. GRUFF MALE VOICE: (O.S.) Hey, kid! PERCY, startled, stops, and a homeless looking man comes out of an alley. HOMELESS MAN: (Fidgeting) Spare some change? PERCY: (Awkward, nervous) Um… sorry, no. Several other bums come out of the dark alley, and when the kids try to run, several bums come up from behind them, staring the kids down threateningly. The first bum pulls out a switch blade, and PERCY uncaps Riptide, shocking the bums. PERCY swings his blade at the bum leader, but it passes through him as if he were a hologram. HOMELESS MAN: (Shocked) What the-!? PERCY: (Surprised, disappointed) Oh right, I, uh… I forgot about that. ANNABETH kicks one of the bums in the crotch, causing him to crumple to the ground in pain. ANNABETH: (Urgent) Run! The kids start running down the sidewalk, the bums chasing after them, shouting at them to come back. The kids rush around a corner, and ANNABETH sees an open shop called “CRUSTY’S WATER BED PALACE”. ANNABETH: There! The kids run into the shop, hide behind a display bed in the window, and the bums run past. GROVER: (Relieved) Phew… I think we lost them. MALE VOICE: (O.S.) Lost who? PERCY, ANNABETH AND GROVER, IN UNISON: (Startled, jump) Ah! The kids turn around to see a tall, pale, bald man in a tacky leisure suit and silver chains around his neck, standing right behind them. TALL BALD MAN: (Grinning creepily, showing off yellow teeth) How ya’ll doin? I’m Crusty. PERCY: (Holding back a laugh, quiet) Yes, you are. CRUSTY: (Raises eyebrow) Hm? PERCY: (Slightly embarrassed, awkward) I said, uh… sorry to barge… in. CRUSTY: Hidin’ from them lowlifes, huh? Yeah, they hang around here every night. I get a lotta people comin’ in here cuz of them. So… (Gestures around shop) … Can I interest you kids in a water bed? PERCY: (Uncomfortable) Um… I mean, uh… I don’t really think I need- CRUSTY gracefully sweeps up behind PERCY, grabs him by the shoulders, and pushes him deeper into the shop. PERCY: Uh, okay, this is weird… CRUSTY proudly gestures to a vibrating bed with lava lamps and black satin sheets. CRUSTY: Million hand massage. Why don’t you lie down? Hell, take a nap, I don’t care. PERCY: (Anxious) Um, no, I think we’ll be leave- GROVER: (Excited) Dude, million hand massage?! No way! GROVER jumps into the massage bed. GROVER: (Voice vibrating) O-oh d-dude, th-this is s-so s-sweet! CRUSTY: (Disappointed, stroking chin) Hmm, not quite… PERCY: (Uneasy) Huh? Not quite what? CRUSTY: (Takes ANNABETH by the shoulder) Do me a favor, honey, and try this one over here. ANNABETH: (Uncomfortable) I… but… CRUSTY ushers ANNABETH over to a bed, and tries pushing her into it. ANNABETH: (Angry) Hey! Get your hands off- CRUSTY: (Snaps fingers) Ergo! Ropes grow out from under the bed, and strap ANNABETH down to the mattress. ANNABETH: (Panicking, screaming) Hey! LET ME GO! GROVER tries to get out of his bed, but ropes tie him down as well. GROVER: (Alarmed) I-it’s n-not s-sweet a-anymore, d-dudes! PERCY: (Steps back, shocked) What the hell are you- CRUSTY: (Quickly places hand behind PERCY’S neck) Whoa, take it easy, kid. I’ll get you your own bed in a sec. PERCY: (Assertive, serious) Let my friends go. CRUSTY: (Calm, friendly) Oh don’t worry, I will. Soon as I make ‘em fit. PERCY: (Confused, angry) Fit? What do you- CRUSTY: Lemme explain. All the beds are exactly six feet. Your friends are too short, see, so I gotta stretch ‘em out a bit. Can’t stand imperfect measurements… CRUSTY snaps his fingers again, and more ropes wrap around GROVER and ANNABETH’S feet and arms, and begin slowly stretching them. PERCY watches in horror as his friends scream in pain. PERCY: (Angry, shouting) Let them go, now! CRUSTY: Don’t worry, they only need a few inches. Hell, they might even survive! Now, why don’t we get you set up with a bed you like, huh? ANNABETH: (Screaming in pain) PERCY!!! GROVER: (Screaming in pain) HELP!!! PERCY: (Suspicious) Your name’s not really CRUSTY, is it? CRUSTY: Legally, it’s PROCRUSTES. PERCY: The Stretcher. The one who tried to kill Theseus with hospitality. PROCRUSTES: (Grinning) That’s me. But who can pronounce Procrustes? ‘Crusty’ on the other hand, much easier to market. PERCY: (Eyes get wide, gets an idea) Uh… yeah! I totally agree. Has a nice ring to it. PROCRUSTES: (Flattered) You think so? PERCY: Oh, absolutely. And the craftsmanship on these beds is simply fabulous. PROCRUSTES: (Grinning) I tell my customers that all the time. I mean, how many beds have you seen with lava lamps built into the headboards? PERCY: (Shrugging) Not too many. PROCRUSTES: Exactly! ANNABETH: (Angry, confused, screaming in pain) PERCY!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!? PERCY: (Dismissive) Don’t mind her. She couldn’t never understand the art of a well crafted bed. PROCRUSTES: (Sighing, disappointed) None of my customers do. Never exactly six feet, so inconsiderate. And then they have the nerve to complain about the fittings! PERCY: So… what do you do if they’re taller than six feet? PROCRUSTES: Oh, easy fix. I just center the customer best I can, then grab my trusty friend here- (Lets go of PERCY’S neck, reaches behind desk, pulls out huge, double sided bronze axe) - And I lop off whatever hangs off either side! PERCY: (Surprised, nervous) Oh… well, I mean, that’s just perfectly sensible. PROCRUSTES: (Excited) Oh, you have no idea what it feels like to finally have an intelligent customer! PERCY worriedly look over to his friends, ANNABETH gasping for air, struggling against the ropes, GROVER making strangled gurgling sounds. PERCY: So… CRUSTY, my man, this bed… (Gestures to giant heart shaped bed with red satin sheets) … Does it really have dynamic stabilizers to stop wave motion? PROCRUSTES: Sure does. Why don’t you give it a try? PERCY: (Stroking chin, pretending to be interested) Yeah, maybe I will. But… would it work even for a big guy like you? PROCRUSTES: Absolutely. PERCY: Really? No waves at all? PROCRUSTES: None. Guaranteed. PERCY: (Pretending to be skeptical) No way. PROCRUSTES: Way. PERCY: Prove it. PROCRUSTES puts his axe down, lies in the bed, and pats the mattress. PROCRUSTES: See? No waves at all- PERCY: (Snaps fingers) Ergo! Ropes spring out of the sides of the bed, tying PROCRUSTES down to it, his head hanging off the top. PROCRUSTES: (Shocked, angry) What the-?! PERCY: (Frowns, feigning disappointment) Oooh, sorry, man. Looks like you don’t quite fit… (Uncaps Riptide) … Let me make a few adjustments. PROCRUSTES: (Anxious, gulps) Whoa, uh, y-you drive a hard bargain, kid. Tell you what; let me go, and I, uh… I’ll give you thirty percent off any of the floor models! PERCY: (Sarcastic, pretending to consider offer) Really? Any of the floor models? PROCRUSTES: Y-yep! A-and no money down. And no interest for six months. PERCY: Hm. That’s a pretty tempting offer. But I think I have a better one. PROCRUSTES: (Curious) Really? What’s that? PERCY: (Raises Riptide, aiming for PROCRUSTES’S neck) Go to TARTARUS. PROCRUSTES: (Frowns) That’s not a- PERCY swings Riptide down, and chops off PROCRUSTES’S head, turning the giant salesman to yellow dust and black smoke, then quickly cuts GROVER and ANNABETH’S ropes. PERCY: (Concerned) You alright? ANNABETH: (Groaning) Define “alright”. PERCY: (Smirks) You look taller. ANNABETH: (Irritated) Very funny. Could you maybe be faster saving us next time? PERCY heads behind CRUSTY’S desk, and begins flipping through papers. He finds a pouch of drachmas, and puts them in his pocket, then finds a map. PERCY: So, who’s ready to go to the UNDERWORLD? GROVER: (Groaning) Dude, give me a sec… (Stretches, back makes sickening ‘pop’ sound) Oooo, that was good. Okay, I’m ready. PERCY: Good. (Holds up map he found on CRUSTY’S desk) Because it’s right around the block. EXT – VALENCIA BOULEVARD – A FEW MINUTES LATER The kids stand outside of a record store with a sign made of black marble engraved with gold lettering that reads: DOA RECORDING STUDIOS, and stenciled words on the glass door that reads: NO SOLICITING, NO LOITERING, NO LIVING. ANNABETH: Well, this was not what I was expecting. PERCY: What were you expecting? ANNABETH: (Shrugging) I dunno. Like, a hole by the Hollywood sign that opens when you read some Ancient Greek graffiti? (Looks directly into the camera) PERCY: (Confused) … Okay, whatever. Anyway, you guys remember the plan? GROVER: (Nervous) Yep. The plan. Love the plan. ANNABETH: (Critical, curt) And what if the plan goes wrong? PERCY: (Trying to be reassuring) Oh come on, don’t be so negative, ANNABETH. ANNABETH: (Sarcastic) Oh yes, PERCY. We’re about to enter the Land of the Dead, but I’m sure if we don’t think negative, we’ll be just fine. PERCY takes the Nereid’s pearls out of his pocket, and stares at them glumly. ANNABETH: (Kind, places hand on PERCY’S shoulder) I’m sorry, PERCY. You’re right. Well make it. ANNABETH gives GROVER a nudge. GROVER: (Nervous, trying to be reassuring) Y-yeah! I mean, we’ve made it this far, right? We’ll get the BOLT, save your mom, and save the world. PERCY: (Smiles, then gets serious) Alright. Let’s kick some UNDERWORLD ass. INT – DOA RECORDING STUDIOS – SAME TIME The kids enter DOA, Muzak playing softly. The walls are steel gray, the furniture black leather. There are people hanging about the lobby, but at closer glance, they are slightly see through, as if they were made of smoke. The kids head to the main desk, which is raised up on a podium. The security guard behind the desk has a military style haircut, dyed bleach blonde, wearing tortoiseshell shades and a white silk Italian suit, with a black rose pinned to his lapel, and a silver name tag. PERCY: (Leans forwards, reads name tag, bewildered) Your name is CHIRON? SECURITY GUARD: (Leans over, smiling, soothing voice) What a precious lad you are. Tell me, do I look like a centaur? PERCY: (Slightly embarrassed) N-no. SECURITY GUARD: Sir. PERCY: No, sir. SECURITY GUARD: (Gestures to name tag) Take a closer look, now. It’s C-H-A-R-O-N. Now say it with me, CARE-ON. PERCY: (A bit irritated) CHARON. CHARON: Ah-mazing. Now, Mr. CHARON. PERCY: (Rolls his eyes) Mr. CHARON. CHARON: Well done. I do hate being confused with that old horse. Now, how may I help you little dead ones? PERCY looks over at ANNABETH. ANNABETH: (A bit uncomfortable) Well, we uh, wanna go to the UNDERWORLD. CHARON: (Blunt, a bit surprised) Oh. Well, that’s refreshing. ANNABETH: (Confused) I, uh- it is? CHARON: Oh, absolutely. Just straightforward and honest, no screaming, no “Oh, please, Mr. CHARON, please give me another chance!”. (Grins, clasps hands) So, how did you loves die? PERCY clears his throat. GROVER: (Nervous) Oh! We uh, we drowned. In a bathtub. CHARON: (Raises eyebrow) All three of you at once? PERCY: (Awkward) I-it was a really big bathtub. CHARON: (Blunt) Naturally. I don’t suppose you have coins for passage, though. If you were adults, I could charge your American Express, or add the ferry fee to your last cable bill. But children… (Sighs, sad) … Alas, they never die prepared, it seems. I’m afraid you’ll have to take a seat for a few centuries. PERCY: Oh, we have coins. (Places three drachmas on the desk) CHARON: (Licks lips, excited) My my… real golden drachmas… I haven’t seen those in… (Hand hovers over drachmas, becomes suspicious) Here now, just a minute ago, you read my name tag wrong. Are you dyslexic, mate? PERCY: (A bit nervous) No, I’m dead. CHARON: (Leans forward, stares the kids down) You’re not dead. (Sniffs the air, disdainful) Two godlings and a satyr. I should have known. PERCY: (Awkward) Okay, first of all, I didn’t want to be a half-blood, and second, we really need to get to the UNDERWORLD. CHARON makes a strange, growling sound in his throat, and the spirits waiting around the lobby start moving around, restless, lighting cigarettes, fidgeting with their watches, etc. CHARON: Why don’t you leave now, and I’ll just forget I saw you. CHARON starts to reach for the drachmas, but PERCY snatches them away. PERCY: (Serious, assertive) No service, no tip. CHARON growls again, the spirits start banging on the elevator door. PERCY: (Pretending to be disappointed) It’s really a shame. We had more to offer. PERCY holds up the pouch of drachmas he took from CRUSTY’S place, pulls out a fistful of the golden coins, and lets them run through his fingers. CHARON: (Slightly hungry look on face) You think I can be bought, godling? Hmmm, just out of curiosity, how much you got there? PERCY: (Polite) A lot. So… what’s your pay like, huh? HADES being good to you, or…? CHARON: (Annoyed) Ugh, you don’t know the half of it. Babysitting these spirits for eternity, always with “Please don’t let me be dead”, “Please let me go in for free”, all day, everyday. I haven’t had a raise in almost three thousand years. I mean, look at me. (Gestures to his suit) … You think dressing this good is cheap? PERCY: (Nodding, slowly drops a few drachmas on the desk) Clearly, you deserve better wages as, uh… compensation for the, um… mentally taxing environment you work in. PERCY glances over at ANNABETH, who quickly nods approvingly. CHARON: You know, mate? I think you might be starting to talk some sense. (Strokes chin, thinking) Hm… boat’s almost full anyway… tell you what, lad. While you’re talking to the boss man, if you were to mention something about giving me a raise… PERCY: I guess I could drop a subtle hint or two. CHARON: (Smiles coldly, grabs drachmas) Come along, then. CHARON begins pushing through the spirits of the dead, the kids follow him. As CHARON pushes through the spirits, they whisper and wail incomprehensible gibberish. CHARON: Freeloaders. CHARON opens the elevator doors, and they get in with several spirits already in the elevator. CHARON: (Turns to face the spirits still in the lobby) No one get any ideas while I’m gone. And if anyone changes the station from easy-listening again, you’ll all be waiting here for another thousand years. The elevator doors close, and CHARON slides a key card into the slot on the panel, and the elevator begins to descend. ANNABETH: (Uncomfortable) So… what happens to the spirits in the lobby? CHARON: (Blunt) Nothing. ANNABETH: Oh… for how long? CHARON: Forever. Or until I’m feeling generous. ANNABETH: (Curt, sarcastic) Well that’s fair. CHARON: Nothing about death is fair, love. You’ll find that out for yourself soon enough where you’re heading. PERCY: (Confident) We’ll get out alive. CHARON: (Dry) Ha. Suddenly, PERCY becomes a bit woozy, blinks a few times, and sees that CHARON’S Italian suit has been replaced by a gray tunic and a black cloak, and his tortoiseshell shades have disappeared, revealing his eyes to be empty black pits. PERCY notices the modern clothes of the spirits become tattered gray cloaks. CHARON: Well? PERCY: (Realizes he was staring at CHARON’S strange eyes) N-nothing. CHARON’S face slowly becomes transparent, showing off his grinning skull. The elevator suddenly starts swaying. GROVER: (Holds his hand up to his mouth as if about to vomit) Oh, dude… I’m gonna be sick… PERCY becomes a bit woozy again, and suddenly the elevator has become a wooden barge, gently drifting down an oily, black river littered with all sorts of things, from college diplomas, dolls, money, and jewelry. ANNABETH: The River Styx… it’s so… CHARON: Polluted. For thousands of years, the spirits of the dead have thrown in everything they can’t take with them; hopes, dreams, wishes that never came true. Irresponsible waste management, if you ask me. Mist begins curling off the river, PERCY glances up to see huge stalactites, and then sees a strange, poison-green light glowing faintly in the distance. PERCY and ANNABETH begin nervously looking around at the spirits around them, and ANNABETH grabs PERCY’S hand. CHARON rows down the river a bit, and soon, they find themselves approaching the shores of the UNDERWORLD, craggy rocks and black volcanic sand, and about a hundred yards up the shore, a huge, stone wall that seems to go on forever in either direction. The kids become more uneasy when they here a deep, powerful howling sound somewhere in the distance. CHARON: (His face almost entirely transparent) Ol’ three face is hungry. Too bad for you, godlings. The boat slides up onto the black shores, and PERCY sadly watches the spirits shuffle out of the boat. PERCY, ANNABETH and GROVER hesitantly depart the boat. CHARON: So long, mates. I’d wish you luck, but there’s none down here. CHARON begins rowing away. CHARON: Oh, and don’t forget to mention my raise. CHARON eventually disappears from PERCY’S sight, and the kids forlornly trudge up the path with the spirits. As they get closer to the gate, PERCY sees that the gates of the UNDERWORLD seem to be modeled after airport security, with three different entrances with a sign over them that reads: YOU ARE NOW ENTERING EREBUS. Beyond the gates, there are some tollbooth-like structures manned by ghoulish black robed figures like CHARON. PERCY notices lots of spirits moving right along to a gate with a sign over it that reads: EZ DEATH. PERCY: (Points to quick moving line) What do you make of that? ANNABETH: Probably goes to the FIELDS OF ASPHODEL. It’s the place where spirits go if they’re too scared to face judgment in court. PERCY: (Surprised) There’s a court for the dead? ANNABETH: Yep. There’s three judges, and HADES switches them around once in a while. King Minos, Thomas Jefferson, Shakespeare, people like that. The judges look at a person’s life, and if they were really good, they get to go to ELYSIUM. If they were really bad, the judges decide on a punishment. But for most people… well, most people never do anything really special in their lives, good or evil, so they go to the FIELDS OF ASPHODEL. PERCY: Oh… and… what exactly happens in ASPHODEL? GROVER: Imagine wandering around in a wheat field. PERCY: Well, that doesn't sound so- GROVER: Forever. PERCY: … Oh. I guess that would kinda suck. GROVER: (Eyes wide with fear, points to something) Not as much as that. PERCY and ANNABETH look where GROVER is pointing, and see two black robed ghouls grab one of the spirits in line, who begins sniffing him down. They ghouls growl angrily, and begin dragging the shrieking spirit away towards one of the gates. PERCY: (Worried, a bit scared) Where are they taking him? GROVER: (Gulps) FIELDS OF PUNISHMENT, probably. The Furies will set up whatever punishment the judges decide on. As the kids slowly approach the gates, they hear the howling sound again, but still can’t see where it is coming from. As they get closer to the gates, a huge, a shadowy figure slowly becomes visible, and starts to form the dark, transparent shape of a massive three-headed dog, towering over them, growling. PERCY: (Petrified) H-he’s a rottweiler? ANNABETH: (Slowly turns head towards PERCY) Wow, PERCY. There is, standing in front of us, a three-headed dog twice the size of an elephant, with teeth the size of cinder blocks, and more than likely wants to make us his midnight snack, and the first thing you think to say is, “He’s a rottweiler”? PERCY: (Awkward) I’m just trying to ease the tension. The kids slowly approach CERBERUS, and notice the giant dog is becoming more visible. PERCY: (Curious) I’m starting to see him better… why? ANNABETH: (Gulps, scared) Well… it’s probably because we’re becoming closer to death. CERBERUS stoops one of his heads, and begins sniffing. PERCY: (Grim) He can smell the living. GROVER: (Trembling with fear) Yeah. B-b-but it’s okay, cuz we g-g-gotta plan, right? ANNABETH: (Small, quiet, terrified) Yeah. Th-th-the plan. The kids inch closer the CERBERUS, and the three-headed dog barks so loud, the world seems to shake. PERCY: GROVER? Translation? GROVER: I, uh, don’t think humans have a four letter word that translates exactly. PERCY reaches into his backpack, pulling out a broken bedpost. PERCY: (Nervous, trying to be calm) H-hey boy, I bet they don’t play with you much down here, huh? CERBERUS lets out a thunderous bark. PERCY: (Gulps) G-good boy… (Waves the stick around) Y-you see the stick? CERBERUS’S middle head follows the stick, the other two heads fixed directly on PERCY. PERCY: Fetch! PERCY throws the bedpost, and CERBERUS watches it, unflinching. The stick disappears into the gloom, and splashes into the River Styx. CERBERUS turns his three heads back onto the kids, and growls menacingly. GROVER: Um, PERCY? PERCY: Yeah? GROVER: Just thought you should know, CERBERUS says we have ten seconds to pray to the god of our choice before we become Cerby snacks. CERBERUS begins snarling, saliva dripping from his three jaws, and ANNABETH’S eyes get wide. ANNABETH: Wait! I have an idea. (Start rifling through backpack) CERBERUS gets into an attack position. GROVER: Um, so I’m thinking maybe we should run now? ANNABETH: (Frantically looking through backpack) Hold on! CERBERUS roars, and starts to lunge forward when ANNABETH whips a red rubber ball out of her backpack, and the giant dog stops mid lunge, curious. ANNABETH: See the ball, boy? You want the ball? Sit! CERBERUS cocks his heads, confused. ANNABETH: (Assertive) Sit! To PERCY and GROVER’S surprise, CERBERUS sits, crushing several spirits, who pass through him, shouting angrily in some sort of gibberish. ANNABETH: (Pleased) Good boy! ANNABETH throws the ball, which CERBERUS catches in his middle mouth. The other two heads start snapping at the ball. ANNABETH: Drop it! CERBERUS whimpers, and gently drops the ball at ANNABETH’S feet, almost bitten in half and covered in slobber. ANNABETH: (Picks up ball) Good boy. (Glances back at PERCY and GROVER) Go. EZ DEATH line, it’s faster. PERCY: (Worried, hesitant) But- ANNABETH: Go! PERCY and GROVER reluctantly start inching forward, CERBERUS growls. ANNABETH: Stay! You want the ball? Then stay! PERCY: (Worried) What about you? ANNABETH: (Slightly nervous) I know what I’m doing, PERCY. Kinda. PERCY and GROVER cautiously walk under the giant dog’s legs. ANNABETH: Good dog! ANNABETH throws the ball to CERBERUS, and quickly walks under him while the three heads fight over the ball. PERCY: (Impressed) How’d you do that? ANNABETH: (Catching breath) Obedience school. When I was really little, my dad got a doberman, and- GROVER: (Urgent) Dudes, less talking, more running. The kids bolt for the EZ DEATH line, and ANNABETH stops when she hears CERBERUS whining behind her. She turns around to face him, and sees the giant dog panting, the ball torn to bits at his feet. PERCY: (Worried) ANNABETH? ANNABETH: (Shaky voice, sad smile) Good boy. I’ll bring you another ball soon. Would you like that? CERBERUS whines, and lower his three heads. ANNABETH: (Petting CERBERUS’S head, holding back tears) G-good boy. I’ll visit you, okay? I… I promise. PERCY: (Sad, hesitant) ANNABETH… we have to go. ANNABETH sadly walks away from CERBERUS, and passes through the EZ DEATH line with the boys. As they walk through the metal detector, alarms begin blaring, and CERBERUS starts barking. AUTOMATED VOICE: Unauthorized possessions! Magic items detected! PERCY: (Urgent) Run! The kids run through the gate into the FIELDS OF ASPHODEL, pushing through disgruntled spirits as black robed ghoulish security guards chase after them, shrieking and wailing. The kids scramble down the ridge of a road, and hide in the rotten trunk of a large, black tree. The ghouls run past the tree, still wailing and shrieking. The kids stay in the trunk for a bit to make sure the ghouls are gone. GROVER: Your plans suck, dude. PERCY: (Irritated) Yeah, well, you’re a donkey. (Takes quick look around the corner to make sure it’s safe) Alright, they’re gone. We should- PERCY stops mid-sentence when he notices ANNABETH sniffing and wiping tears from her eyes, and hears CERBERUS howling mournfully in the distance. PERCY: (Gently places hands on ANNABETH’S shoulders) Come on. We have to get out of here. ANNABETH nods, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes, and takes PERCY’S hand. Part 2 will be out soon.
The current stay-at-home order will remain in effect until April 30. Alabama Governor Ivey said the state needs to expand its testing before resuming normal economic activity despite being eager to get the state’s economy moving.
On April 24th, Alaska allowed businesses and restaurants to open back up in most parts of the state. These personal services and companies must do so under strict health and safety restrictions. Bigger cities like Anchorage delayed their partial opening until April 27th. Additionally, Governor Dunleavy has said citizens may visit their doctors and schedule elective surgeries on/after May 4th.
Governor Ducey has announced the stay at home order will continue only until April 30th. The state also will allow elective surgeries to continue starting on May 1st. On the other hand, Navajo Nation’s government will remain closed until May 17th.
While there is no exact date, Governor Hutchinson has plans to loosen the restrictions on businesses over the next few weeks. This means certain non-essential businesses will be allowed to operate. Elective surgeries were allowed to continue on April 27th.
CA Governor Gavin Newsome has not announced any official end to the stay at home order. Despite that, the state has allowed the scheduling of important surgeries like heart surgery or cancerous tumor removal. The state is limiting the issuing of permits for events and activities for the foreseeable future. On April 13th, the Governor announced the Western States Pact with Oregon and Washington. This pact articulates that these 3 states will operate together in their reopening on when it is safe to do so. Nevada and Colorado have also joined this pact.
Colorado’s stay at home order has been replaced with a “safer at home” strategy that started on April 27th. While not mandatory, residents are heavily urged to stay at home as much as possible. High-risk populations have been asked to stay home at all times possible. Special businesses that offer curbside pick up are now open. Additionally, personal training and dog grooming have been allowed to resume (if they follow social distancing practices). Elective medical procedures have also been allowed to continue. Governor Polis states that more businesses will be allowed to open in the following weeks. On May 4th, non-essential office work will be allowed to continue. Colorado has also coordinated its re-opening plans with Nevada, California, Oregan, and Washington.
The mandatory state shutdown will continue until May 20th. Governor Lamont has recommended a higher amount of COVID-19 testing before the state can start is opening plans. Connecticut has joined with New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Deleware, and Massachusettes to coordinate the reopening of the Northeast.
Deleware Governor Carney has extended the statewide stay at home order until May 15th or when the “public health threat is eliminated.” The state has said that opening can start upon seeing a 28 days decline of new COVID-19 cases. Additionally, the state has joined up with the other states in the Northeast to ensure a safe re-opening and start to their economy. The governor also stated that even if the state reopens, social distancing, hand washing, face covering, and a limit on large gatherings will stay in effect.
The stay at home order for Florida will continue until April 30th. Beaches of Florida are able to reopen if the local leaders have decided it is safe to do so. On the other hand, the Keys will not reopen to visitors or tourism until June or later.
State restrictions were eased starting on April 24th. Businesses like tattoo shops, gyms, bowling alleys, barbers and hair salons, nail salons, and others have been allowed to re-open if they follow safe distancing rules. Nightclubs and bars are still closed with no clear word on when reopening can continue.
Governor Ige has stated that the stay at home order will last through April 30th and potentially later. Bigger cities like Honolulu have their own independent stay at home order which extends through all of May.
The state of Idaho is currently allowing businesses to operate under certain conditions like curbside pickup, drive-thru/drive-in, or delivery. The state doesn’t have an explicit stay at home order but rather an “Order to Self Isolate” that ends on April 30th. There is no official word on when the full state will open.
Illinois Governor Pritzker has stated the stay at home order will extend to May 30th based on data they have analyzed in the last two months. Some modifications may be made in that time and restrictions lifted depending on testing and tracing initiatives.
So far, Iowa has not given an official stay at home order. Governor Reynolds did issue a State of Public Health Disaster Emergency in mid-March. This required all nonessential businesses to close until April 30. On April 27th, the government stated the 77 of Iowa’s 99 counties can begin reopening on May 1st. This includes gyms, restaurants, enclosed malls, and retail stores if they stay at 50% capacity. The remaining 22 counties have higher rates of COVID-19 and will have their closures extend until at least May 15th.
Kansas’ stay at home order is expected to end on May 3rd. Governor Kelly has said that the state “nowhere near where we need to be with testing supplies,” which could mean the stay at order will be extended. Either way, the state plans to loosen restrictions in a gradual rollout rather than an all at once reopening.
Kentucky Governor Beshear has begun to reopen the health sectors of the state. On April 27, in person, office and ambulance visits were allowed to continue. Additionally, diagnostic, radiology and non-urgent visits are allowed. The state plans to reopen the state in phases, with restrictions easing each week for a four week period. This reopening plan will begin on May 11th but could be pushed back depending on COVID circumstances. Additionally, customers and employees will be asked to wear a mask while visiting/working in essential businesses.
Louisiana Governor Edwards has extended the stay at home order until May 15. Despite that, some restrictions have been lifted for nonessential businesses. On May 1st, retail stores can open under the condition of offering curbside delivery only. Restaurants will also be allowed to offer seats to customers, but there will be no wait staff or table service. Customers are allowed to sit outside and eat at restaurants as long as the mind social distancing rules. Gov. Edwards has also required all workers that are interacting with the public to wear masks. Despite the easing of restrictions, Edwards says the state is not near where it should be in regards to new cases, hospitalizations, and testing.
Maine issued a “Stay Healthy at Home” executive order that lasts through at least April 30. Additionally, Governor Mills extended the state’s civil state of emergency until May 15. The state of Maine has joined its neighbors New Hampshire and Vermont on planning their state’s reopening measures
Maryland Governor Hogan outlined a three-stage reopening plan on April 24th. This will allow a gradual reopening of non-essential businesses, gatherings, and public services. Not giving a clear date, the governor stated that the easing of restrictions may begin in early May if COVID-19 hospital cases decline. The first phase includes allowing certain small businesses to reopen, outdoor gym glasses, recreational activities to continue, and allowing religious gatherings of limited attendance. Certain medical procedures will be allowed to continue as well. The second phase allows raising the minimum number of people allowed in a gathering, childcare services reopening, indoor gyms, the return of transit schedules, and bars and restaurants reopening under certain conditions. The last phase allows larger social gatherings in places like religions services, entertainment venues, and dining establishments along with fewer restrictions on nursing homes and hospital visits.
Currently, the state’s emergency order that requires all nonessential business to be closed ends on May 4th. Governor Baker has informed citizens that he and state officials have begun discussing the reopening of the state but there isn’t a clear plan yet. Before reopening, the state says they need to have more testing, tracing, and quarantine procedures in place. Massachusetts is actively working with its neighboring Northeastern states to develop a plan to reopen the economy.
Michigan’s stay at home order extends til at least May 15th. Currently, Governor Whitmer has eased restrictions of their COVID-19 response, allowing some businesses to open and outdoor activities to continue. Most recently, the governor has allowed landscapers, nurseries, lawn service companies, and bike shops to re-open as long as they follow social distancing rules. Additionally, citizens are allowed to travel between houses and visit family members even though it isn’t encouraged.
Minnesota has allowed some businesses to open starting on April 27th. This order allows 80,000 to 100,000 office, industrial, and manufacturing workers to return to their jobs. Governor Walz has stated that businesses must create and implement a COVID-19 readiness plan that outlines what measures they are taking to protect their worker’s health and safety.
Mississippi “safe at home” executive order will remain for two weeks and expire on the upcoming Monday. Right now, Governor Reeves urgers all citizens to stay home whenever possible. Any at-risk citizens are required to shelter in place. State officials have also begun relaxing some restrictions on non-essential businesses if they offer curbside delivery, drive-thru, or other delivery options. Other nonessential businesses remained closed for now.
Missouri’s stay at home order lasts until May 3rd. Governor Parson has stated that he is working with hospitals, health officials, and business leaders to develop the state’s reopening plan. Businesses will be able to open as long as they keep up the six-feet social distancing rules. Additionally, any indoor retail business will be forced to limit its capacity to 25%. The governor has allowed local leaders to determine if their cities and towns need stricter rules.
Montana began reopening on April 26th, allowing individuals and businesses to have fewer restrictions. Retail and street businesses were able to open on April 27th if they follow social distancing practices and limit store capacity. Restaurants and bars can start offering some services after May 4th while businesses like gyms, theaters, and places of large assembly must remain closed. The state’s travel quarantine will still remain, requiring non-work related out of state travelers to quarantine themselves for 14 days.
Nebraska state officials plan to relax some of their COVID restrictions on May 4th. Nebraska is one of the few states that issued no stay at home order for its citizens. On May 4th, restaurants will be allowed to let customers inside as long as they operate under 50% of normal capacity. Businesses like salons, barbers, tattoo parlors, and massage centers are limited to 10 people in a store at a time. They are also required to wear face coverings or masks. Churches will also be allowed to continue worship as long as those attending stay 6 feet apart. All other businesses like bars and theaters are required to stay closed until May 31st.
The current stay at home order is set to expire on April 30th but Governor Sisolak says the state is currently not ready to reopen. Despite that, Mayors in cities like Las Vegas have been urging for the reopening of Casinos. Currently, there is no set reopening time or plan for casinos or other similar businesses in the state.
As of now, there is no expiration date to New Jersey’s stay at home order that began on March 21st. Like many other states in the area, New Jersey has teamed up with its Northeastern neighbors like New York and Delaware to develop a plan on when to reopen their economies.
Governor Grishman has extended New Mexico’s stay at home order until May 15th. After that period, there will be a gradual reopening of some businesses if conditions are safe to do so. The governor states that there is “no magical date” for when the state will be safe to reopen all businesses.
One of the hardest-hit states, New York has some of the most detailed plans for COVID 19. Governor Cuomo’s “New York State on PAUSE” executive order was issued on March 22nd. There is no clear end date for New York’s restrictions, but as of now, nonessential businesses are required to stay closed until May 15th. The state officials have stated the reopening is going to happen in phases once the state meets the federal guidelines that hospitalizations decline for 14 days. The first phase includes construction and manufacturing businesses to continue. The second phase would be implemented by a business-by-business analysis of risk. Governor Cuomo did state that each phase will have a 2 week period between to monitor the results.
North Carolina’s current stay at home order for North Carolina is extended through May 8th. Governor Cooper has stated the state could open in three phases if COVID-19 cases continue to decrease. Phase one would be that stay at home orders would remain, but some non-essential businesses will be able to open. Phase two includes the lifting of stay at home orders for those not at risk and the reopening of bars, restaurants, and churches under reduced capacity. Phase three would ease the restrictions for at-risk populations and allowed increased attendance at businesses and social gatherings.
North Dakota has stated that many closed businesses may be allowed to open on May 1st. The state is another one of the few places with no explicit stay at home order and only shut down schools, gyms, restaurants, salons, and theaters. Governor Burgum says that he is going to follow the federal guidelines in deciding to officially reopen the state.
Governor Dewine’s stay at home order currently extends until May 1st. After that, the state will begin its first phases of reopening but do not have any specifics at this time. As of now, large events with big crowds are not expected to open anytime soon.
Oklahoma began lifting restrictions on businesses as early as April 24th. The reopening plan is a three-phase operation that will progress when COVID-19 data tells state officials it is safe to do so. Restaurants, theaters, gyms, and sporting events will be allowed to open after May 1st if they follow strict social distancing practices. On the other hand, bars will remain closed.
Governor Brown issued an executive order requiring citizens to stay at home and will stay in effect until ended by her. There has been no official word on when the order will end but some restrictions on businesses will be lifted on May 1st. This will allow hospitals, surgical centers, and medical and dental offices to resume nonemergency procedures as long as they follow safe COVID-19 distancing and sanitation practices. State officials say more restrictions will not be eased until the state sees the following: a decrease in the growth of active COVID-19 cases, sufficient personal protective equipment available, large open capacity in hospitals, increased testing, tracing and isolating of new cases, and plans on how to protect at-risk communities.
Pennsylvania is set to reopen the state in three phases that begin on May 8th. The phases, broken down in red, yellow, and green, will be analyzed and remain in the interest of flattening the curve in the state. Recently, Governor Wolf announced that marinas, golf courses, guided fishing trips, and private campgrounds are allowed to reopen on May 1st under the condition that they follow social distancing protocols. The state has joined with its northeastern neighbors to develop a plan on when it is safe to reopen their economies.
Rhode Island’s current stay at home order extends until May 8th and is actively working on new measures to open parks and beaches. Governor Raimondo is actively working with neighboring states in the Northeast to develop a collective plan on how they should open their economies.
South Carolina allowed the reopening of some retail stores on April 20th. This included department stores, sporting goods stores, flea markets, businesses that sell books, furniture, music, flowers, clothing, and accessories. This was done under the condition that the businesses remained at 20% regular capacity or 5 people per 1000 square feet. Governor McMaster’s State of Emergency has been extended until May 12th.
South Dakota never issued an official stay at home order. Governor Noem stated that despite that, the citizens of South Dakota were staying home at greater rates than states that had an active shelter in place order.
Governor Lee has allowed restaurants and retail outlets to open as long as they remain at 50% capacity. Additionally, some state parks have been allowed to return to business as usual. There is no official word on when other businesses will be able to reopen or have restrictions lifted.
Stay at Home orders for Texas currently extend till April 30th. Retail stores, restaurants, malls, theaters, museums, and libraries will be allowed to reopen on May 1st if they limit to 25% of their regular operating capacity.
Utah’s “Stay Safe, Stay Home” directive extends until May 1st. Despite that, all schools will remain closed for the remainder of the year. The state has not issued an official stay at home mandate, but citizens have been urged to stay at home as much as possible and restaurants are not allowed to have dining rooms operating. Utah is currently developing a plan for how and when further restrictions will be lifted.
Vermont has a similar “Stay Safe, Stay Home” order that extends until May 15th. Governor Scott has also developed a 5 point plan on how to open the state while fighting the COVID-19 outbreak. Phase one of the plan included allowing construction businesses, home appraisers, municipal clerks, and property managers to continue work on April 20th if they followed social distancing measures. Starting on May 1st, farmers' markets will be allowed to open as long as the social distancing guidelines are followed.
The state of Virginia’s stay at home order is effective until June 10th. Reopening the state will be done in a way that focuses on public health, says Governor Northam. Limiting state restrictions will be done in phases outlined in the “Forward Virginia” blueprint. Steps include continued social distancing, limited public gatherings, the use of masks in public, etc. The state will begin reopening when data and health experts suggest it is safe to do so.
Stay at Home orders in Washington state currently last until May 4th. Additionally, most parks and recreational areas will be allowed to open on May 5th. Washington has joined California, Oregan, Nevada, and Colorado in the Western States Pact to determine when it is safe to reopen their economies.
Governor Justice has introduced the “Comeback Roadmap” as an outline of how the state will reopen going forward. The plan contains three phases that are broken up into weeks. Week one allows hospitals to start elective medical procedures and also allows the reopening of outpatient healthcare including primary care, dental, mental health, and more. Daycare centers will also be allowed to reopen. Week two would allow businesses with less than 10 workers to go back to work. Restaurants with outdoor seating could resume service and church and funerals services could start again. In the third phase, which is a three-week process, includes retail stores, gyms, hotels, spas, casinos, and other businesses to reopen. Additionally, offices and government businesses could return. Each of these phases would include the required temperature checks and mask-wearing.
Governor Evers’ stay at home order extends until May 26th. Restrictions were lifted on certain businesses like libraries, arts and crafts stores, and other places that provided materials needed to make face masks as long as they could provide curbside pickup. Golf courses have also opened around the state.
Another state without an official stay at home order, Wyoming did request a federal disaster declaration on April 9th. Currently, all out of state travelers are required to quarantine themselves for 14 days until April 30th.
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Beginning a Home Staycation - #Arcade #Games - #Slot #Machines - #Pinball #Machines
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Filming Location: CASINO - Sam's House - Las Vegas - YouTube
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